S4 E26 Bank of Mum and Dad: How to Help Your Adult Children Without Wrecking Your Retirement
My Happy Money Journey: money for mid life women with Phoebe BlameyShow Notes
The Bank of Mum and Dad is now somewhere between the fifth and ninth largest mortgage lender in Australia. That's not a metaphor. That's Finder research from 2025. Seventeen percent of first-home buyers now receive help from their parents to save a deposit — up from eleven percent in 2022. Seventy-five percent of that help is gifted, not loaned. And the average gift sits at $74,040… though in real life, as a former mortgage broker, Phoebe regularly saw two, three, four times that figure cross the table. And it's not just deposits. It's the wedding. The school fees. The second car. The credit card debt. The bond money when they suddenly had to move. The family holiday you "treated everyone" to. For many Australian women in their 50s and 60s, this is now the second largest line item in their financial life — after their own mortgage or rent. And here's the part nobody is talking about: we didn't sign up for this the way our mothers did. They raised us, packed us off with a Vegemite jar of cutlery and a casserole dish, and were essentially financially done. We're mothering and funding well into our 60s and 70s — and we're quietly tipping in without saying a word at book club, at dinner, or sometimes even to our own partner. In this episode, Phoebe Blamey unpacks one of the most important — and least discussed — financial issues facing midlife Australian women right now. Because the maths is brutal. The average woman aged 60–64 has around $318,000 in super. A comfortable single retirement needs closer to $595,000. The gap between those two numbers is exactly the kind of gap created by 10 or 15 years of "just helping the kids out." You'll hear:
The three biggest financial blast radiuses of getting Bank of Mum and Dad wrong — including the $200,000 deposit that walks straight out the door in a property settlement, and the inheritance fight you create from beyond the grave without ever meaning to Why the Family Court treats gifts and loans completely differently in Australia — and the simple, inexpensive paperwork that protects your child (and your money) if a marriage ever goes sideways The five conversations to have at the kitchen table on a Sunday morning, when nobody is in crisis — before the phone rings late at night Why your only job when your adult child arrives in marital distress is to listen — and the one exception where the rules completely change How to have the fairness conversation while everyone is still alive (because fair and equal are not the same thing — and the version of this conversation that destroys sibling relationships is always the one held silently, in a will) The single biggest mindset shift that makes all of this stick: you are the lighthouse, not the lifeboat
This episode is for the woman who is capable, educated, earning well, and increasingly realising she needs to be the one making the calls — not deferring to a husband, an adviser, or a default "yes" when her adult children ask. Because the greatest transfer of generational wealth in history is moving toward women, and learning to hold money — not just spend it or give it away — is the skill of this decade. Decide your line now, while the weather is calm and the seas aren't stormy. You can love your children ferociously and still hold your line. Those two things are not in conflict. The line is love.
Disclaimer: The information in this podcast is general in nature and does not constitute personal financial advice or recommendations.
More from My Happy Money Journey: money for mid life women with Phoebe Blamey
Brilliant with everyone else’s money, and then yours comes along and you go all wobbly? You can run the household budget, stretch the grocery money to the last cent, look after the kids, check in on your ageing parents and balance the books at work. Then a refund lands in your account and your first instinct is to hand some of it back. Welcome to the money worthiness gap. It’s one of the most common money patterns, and it costs real dollars. In this episode of My Happy Money Journey, Phoebe Blamey, bestselling author, former mortgage broker and business coach, unpacks why so many capable women struggle to feel worthy of their own money. And what to do about it this week. Because worthiness grows when you take action. You do the worthy thing first, and the feeling catches up. What you’ll hear 🔍 Money is information. Why your bank balance is a fuel light on the dashboard, and how reading it with curiosity changes your next money decision. 💪 You don’t have to bleed for it. Exhaustion is a terrible payment method. How to receive money as fair compensation for your work, and say a simple thank you when it arrives as a gift. 🧠 Your money story might belong to someone else. “Money doesn’t grow on trees.” “Don’t get too big for your boots.” Where your inherited money beliefs came from, and how to choose which ones to keep. 🧾 Keep the receipts. A simple evidence folder that reminds you how capable you are, especially at 2am when your brain starts telling stories. ✨ Act worthy first. Small, slightly scary actions that build financial confidence faster than any affirmation. 🌀 Tapping for scarcity. The emotional freedom technique (EFT) Phoebe has used for years when scarcity creeps in. Your worthy thing for this week Pick one:
Becoming the Woman Who Owns Her Money Divorce can leave you feeling like you're starting again financially. But you're not starting from zero. You're starting with experience, knowledge and the opportunity to finally take control of your own money. In the final episode of our divorce series, we move from protection to rebuilding — and talk about what actually helps women create financial independence after divorce. We cover: • Why your financial recovery isn't about finding someone else• Building your own financial identity• Understanding your complete financial position• Checking your credit and accounts• Creating a financial buffer• Protecting your super• Investing in your earning power• Why financial knowledge compounds• Why you're never “too old” to rebuild• Turning money from something you fear into information you can use The big message? Recovery isn't rescue. Recovery is a skill. You don't need to know everything about money. You just need to start asking better questions, making your own decisions and taking the next step. You are not too old. You are not too far behind. And you are not starting from zero. Your future belongs to you. This episode completes our three-part series on money and divorce.
When the Numbers Don’t Add Up: Hidden Money & Divorce What happens when the financial picture your ex is presenting just doesn’t make sense? A bonus suddenly disappears. A successful business is suddenly worth almost nothing. There’s a mysterious loan to family. Or accounts and assets you never knew existed. In this episode, we look at some of the common red flags around financial disclosure during divorce — and what you can do when the numbers don’t add up. We cover: • Delayed income and bonuses• Suddenly struggling businesses• Overpaid tax• Loans to family or friends• Hidden accounts, assets and debt• Financial abuse• What information you should gather• When to ask your lawyer for deeper investigation You don’t need to become a forensic accountant. You need to know what questions to ask. Because you cannot claim what you can’t see. This is general financial information, not legal advice. Always speak with your family lawyer about your individual circumstances. This is episode two of my three-part series on money and divorce. Next up: rebuilding your financial life and becoming the woman who owns her money on purpose.
Australian women come out of divorce around 30% worse off than they went in, and if you are over 50 that gap can stretch closer to 45%, often without ever fully recovering. In this first episode of a three-part series, Phoebe unpacks the decision that trips up more women than any other: what to do with the family home. She walks through why the house feels like safety, when keeping it is exactly the right call, when it quietly becomes the thing that sinks you, and the four back-of-an-envelope questions that turn the fog into a decision you can actually see. What we cover
These four pieces of real advice printed for women who out-earn their husbands, including leaving the house without your wallet so he gets a turn at being the provider, blew my mind. Then I had a conversation with Prue who got up super early to walk the dogs and unstack the dishwasher, while Mr Prue slept soundly. This week, why capable women keep themselves small, what it is costing, and the question underneath all of it.... This is how it started... A research team went through ninety four newspaper and magazine articles written about women who earn more than their husbands, and pulled out what those articles told the women to do. Let him pay the bill at the restaurant. Leave the house without your wallet or your keys so he gets the opportunity to be the provider. Let him cover one particular family expense so there is a sense of purpose attached to his money. Play down your income and your success. Somebody was paid to write that. An editor decided it was reasonable. Some of it was published recently. Look at those four instructions together and they are all the same instruction. Make yourself smaller so you can stay where you are. That is what this episode is about. Not whether you can earn more than your partner, because clearly you can. What it costs you to be seen doing it, and the groups you are trying not to fall out of while you do. We talk about the marriage, the family you came from, the friends you have had for twenty five years, and the biggest group of all, which is the terms and conditions of being a woman with money in this country. There is a section for those of you who now earn more than your father ever did, because nobody tells you that this contains a loss as well as an achievement. Then there is Prue, who is made up like a mosaic of my favorite women in this situation. She runs a four million dollar cleaning business while unstacking the dishwasher at seven in the morning. She turned down two million dollars of work she was perfectly capable of doing. . I will be upfront that I do not have this fully solved. I have got a long way into it and I have got one thing I want you to do about it this week. What I want you to take away: protection is not a number. It never was. It is somebody's capacity to hold you, and that has nothing to do with what they earn.