Kate Peers - My Parenting Story

Why does ADHD so often stay hidden in girls until puberty, and how can parents tell whether it’s “just hormones” or something more? Why does ADHD so often go unrecognised in girls until adolescence, why can puberty make previously manageable difficulties harder to navigate, and how can parents tell whether it’s “just hormones” or something more? In the first two-guest episode of All Aboard ADHD, Claire is joined by Dr Sally Cubbin, Consultant Psychiatrist and Founding Member of the UK Adult ADHD Network, alongside Gillian Johnson Shakespeare, Author, Illustrator and ADHD Coach, co-authors of the newly published Women and ADHD book. Together they explore how adolescence shapes girls’ sense of identity, their friendships, their changing bodies and the expectations they absorb about who they’re supposed to be. They discuss: 🔍 Why girls get missed: a picture built around boys, and the MOPP cluster of masking, overcompensating, perfectionism and people-pleasing As Sally puts it, “the absence of an obvious problem or an obvious difference doesn’t mean there’s an absence of ADHD.” 🌊 What puberty changes: oestrogen and dopamine, irregular cycles, disrupted sleep and developing at a different pace from friends 🏠 Fine at school, falling apart at home: why girls can appear to be coping at school but fall apart as soon as they get home 🎭 The cost of masking: how years of trying to fit in can affect identity and self-esteem leaving you feeling “invisible to oneself” 👭 Friendships, fitting in and rejection sensitivity: why finding friends you can be yourself with matters so much ⚠️ Shame and hidden risks: internalised criticism, greater vulnerability around boundaries, alcohol and disordered eating, and why assessments must consider the whole person. 💡 Diagnosis as a turning point: relief, sometimes grief, and finally an explanation. 🤝 How parents can help: keep scaffolding, swap “why isn’t the homework done” for curiosity, choose your moments to talk (such as long car journeys), co-regulate, and permission to “cope ugly”. Puberty can be a challenging time for any girl, but for girls with ADHD, it can bring additional difficulties that aren't always easy to recognise or understand. This conversation explores what parents can look out for, and how we can better support our daughters through these important years, with curiosity rather than judgement. Further resources & links Women and ADHD by Dr Sally Cubbin & Gillian Johnson Shakespeare: https://www.amazon.co.uk/Women-ADHD-Puberty-Menopause-Beyond/dp/147214982

How does growing up with undiagnosed ADHD shape your life and what happens when you finally get answers? In this episode of All Aboard ADHD, Claire is joined by Laura Mears-Reynolds, diagnosed with ADHD at 38, host of the ADHD AF podcast and founder of the ADHD AF Plus charity. Laura tells her story of shame, burnout and survival, sharing how her fierce sense of justice led her to build a grassroots movement providing real-life peer support for adults with ADHD across the UK. 🧶 The penny-drop moment: how a friend's diagnosis shattered the “naughty little boys” stereotype, prompting Laura to recognise her own ADHD traits and realise: “If you’ve got it, I’ve definitely got it”. 🔥 From chaos to “dumpster fire”: perimenopause, three-year waiting lists, escalating crises and the devastating point where Laura felt “I was done”. 💊 Diagnosis and the day after: being told she had “severe combined” ADHD and waking up the following morning with a glimmer of hope, realising, “I don’t have to hate myself today”. 👧 Childhood through an ADHD lens: constant anxiety, rejection sensitivity (RSD), insomnia and being labelled “disrespectful” for leaving GCSE coursework until the last minute, despite agonising over it all night. 🎭 Girls, masking and minimising: how gender expectations, people-pleasing and trying not to be “a nuisance” can contribute to ADHD going unrecognised in girls and women. ⚖️ Justice sensitivity and ADHD: why Laura challenges the idea that ADHD is a “superpower”, exploring how her fierce need for justice has both challenged her, and fuelled her advocacy for others. 🐆 Building ADHD AF and the Leopard Print Army: from responding to podcast DMs at 4am to creating a community through body doubling, national meet-ups and the ADHD AF Plus charity, which now provides over 17 free peer support groups across the UK. As Laura puts it, “It’s about us, by us, for us”. Laura's honesty about the challenges of living with undiagnosed ADHD, the impact of shame and the power of finding community, provides a conversation about reframing how we understand ourselves, finding hope and recognising that we don't have to navigate the ADHD journey alone. If you’ve ever felt “too much” or like you’re failing at “adulting”, this episode will help you see yourself, and your children, through a more compassionate lens. Further resources & links: ADHD AF Community Information: https://www.adhdafplus.org.uk/peersupport

How can parents and caregivers better understand and support the biological sleep needs of children and teens who have ADHD, without panic, shame, or setting impossible “perfect sleep” standards? In this episode of All Aboard ADHD, Claire is joined by UKCP-accredited psychotherapist Heather Darwall-Smith, an ADHD sleep specialist and author of The ADHD Sleep Book, to unpack why sleep is so hard for ADHD brains, what’s really going on with circadian rhythms, the role of melatonin, and how families can work with biology instead of fighting it. Together they discuss: 🧬 Why ADHD sleep is different: biological vs behavioural, the impact of delayed body clocks, and why up to 75% of people with ADHD struggle when it comes to sleep. ⏰ Circadian clocks, chronotypes and teens: understanding delayed sleep phase, why we're more likely to be night owls, how adolescence shifts sleep even later, and why it's so hard to get up 🌞 Starting the day with light: the power of consistent wake-ups and morning light helps reset ADHD body clocks and becomes “free medicine” for ADHD sleep 🥱 Understanding melatonin: our natural hormone production, what it really does, and why prescriptions matter for safe use when supplemented 🧠 Why switching off is so hard: transitions, the fear of going to bed, racing brains at bedtime, and the value of externalised support 💊 Stimulant medication and sleep: the importance of using timing, hydration, and food to benefit from symptom management ADHD medication brings without ruining your sleep 😮‍💨 The impact on parents: chronic exhaustion, the power of family “summits”, plus why understanding ADHD sleep can help take the blame or shame out of bedtime and getting up in the morning If bedtime is a battleground, mornings often bring meltdowns, and you’re wondering what’s as a result of having ADHD, versus a genuine sleep problem, this episode offers science-based reassurance, practical tools, and a deeply compassionate reframe to help the whole family. Further resources & links The ADHD Sleep Book by Heather Darwall-Smith: https://amzn.eu/d/09MQ6NFM

How does perfectionism show up across ADHD, from childhood to adulthood, and what impact can it have on self-worth, motivation and mental health? In this episode of All Aboard ADHD, Claire is joined by Dr. J. Russell Ramsay - a clinical psychologist, author of Once I Get Started, and co-founder of the Adult ADHD Treatment and Research Program at the University of Pennsylvania. Drawing on decades of clinical work and research, he explains why perfectionism is the dominant thinking pattern he sees in ADHD, how it drives challenges such as procrastination, avoidance, and emotional overwhelm - and crucially, what parents of ADHD kids can do to support them. They discuss: 🔍 What Perfectionism Really Is: the different ways it shows up in ADHD such as having “unrelenting standards” and "all‑or‑nothing thinking" 🧠 The Difference Between Front-End vs Back-End Perfectionism: needing to be “in the right mood” to start something vs not submitting work that’s “good enough” ⏳ Procrastination, Emotions & Comparison: exploring the impact of the “Frankenstein” comparison where we build a fictional impossible standard from what we see of others 👦How Perfectionism Develops in Children the impact of negative messaging, subtle criticisms like “see, you can do it!" on a “good day”, and the compounding effect of giving up quickly when things get hard 🤝 Body Doubling & Practical Workarounds: the power of using another person’s presence to get started on a task and stay on track 💪 Self-Worth, Self-Trust & Parenting Differently: the impact on children of separating their worth from performance or grades, plus the importance of noticing their effort, not just the outcomes This episode is a must-listen for parents of ADHD children with perfectionist traits. You’ll walk away with a new lens on your child’s challenges, plus concrete scripts, mindsets, and strategies to reduce shame, ease homework battles, and help your child trust themselves again. Further resources & links Find out more about Dr J Russell Ramsay: https://www.cbt4adhd.com/about/

How can understanding ADHD through a female lens, especially as a late‑diagnosed mum, change how we see ourselves and support our daughters? In this episode of the All Aboard ADHD podcast, Claire is joined by Kate Moryoussef, host of the ADHD Women’s Wellbeing Podcast, author of The ADHD Women’s Wellbeing Toolkit, and a Women’s ADHD Wellbeing Coach. Kate shares the story of her late diagnosis at 40 (alongside her then 9-year-old daughter), how ADHD showed up across her life, plus why sport, self-compassion, and the right environment can make all the difference for girls and women with ADHD. They discuss: 💡 Kate’s lockdown diagnosis: spotting ADHD traits in her daughter whilst homeschooling, being dismissed with “anxiety” by her GP, and the huge relief of receiving a “very strong combined ADHD” diagnosis. 📚 Viewing childhood through an ADHD lens: the school reports that “had it all written there”, being the “good, quiet” girl between two diagnosed ADHD brothers, the impact of masking, and how undiagnosed ADHD in girls is still missed today. 🚺 Gender and the emotional cost for women: people‑pleasing, RSD, anxiety, hormones, PMDD/PMS, postnatal struggles, and perimenopause. 🏃‍♀️ Sport, movement, and "energy in motion": why physical activity provides crucial regulation for ADHD brains, the important value for girls, plus the surprising link between ADHD and elite sport. 🏡 The neurodivergent home: trying to support ND kids while managing your own ADHD, capacity, and boundaries; plus letting go of the “perfect mum” myth. 🫶 Self‑compassion and small sustainable steps: how an ADHD diagnosis becomes an identity shift, how using this understanding can help us redesign life and model regulation for our children, plus the value of taking “little small steps each day” 🎙️ Diagnosis, curiosity, and learning: how understanding herself led Kate to create a platform that supports thousands of other late-diagnosed, mid-life women If you're learning about your child's ADHD, while quietly wondering about your own, this conversation is for you. You'll come away with language to better understand yourself, practical ideas around movement, sport and regulation, and a little more compassion for yourself as a parent. Most importantly, you'll know you're not alone. Further resources & links Listen to Kate’s podcast: ADHD Women’s Wellbeing Podcast: https://www.adhdwomenswellbeing.co.uk/adhd-podcast