Show Notes
It's not your dating apps, your "type," or your bad luck, the reason you keep choosing emotionally unavailable partners, shrinking yourself to be loved, and hearing a brutal voice in your head that sounds suspiciously like her… has a name. And girl, we're naming it today. In Part 2 of our 4-part series on the copy paste relationship theory, we're going to the root of the root, the mother wound. This is not a "let's bash our moms" episode. This is an awareness episode, because your mother was your very first attachment figure, and the imprint she left didn't disappear when you turned 18, it's running your love life right now. With Mother's Day approaching, I want to hold space for every version of this you might be sitting in: the mom you love but had to distance from, the mom who's gone, the mom who was physically present but emotionally somewhere else entirely, the mother figures who weren't biologically yours but shaped you anyway. Wherever you are with all of this, I see you, and this episode is going to crack something open. Take a breath, grab your journal, and buckle up. Inside the episode: The 7 sneaky ways the mother wound shows up in your love life right now, from chronic people-pleasing and difficulty receiving, to disproportionate emotional reactions, to choosing partners who recreate the exact dynamic you grew up in (and why your inner critic might sound suspiciously like her) The 5 types of mother wounds, and which one is yours, the Emotionally Unavailable Mother, the Enmeshed Mother, the Critical Mother, the Unpredictable Mother, and the Mother With No Capacity (because love without capacity is torture and so many of you needed to hear that) Why "she did her best" and "I have a mother wound" can both be true, the radical acceptance work that lives in the gray area, plus the very first step of reparenting yourself and breaking the cycle for every woman who comes after you
Y'all, seeing the wound is not the same as healing it. Awareness without action is just really well-informed suffering and you have done enough of that. I am personally inviting you to the E.S.L. Private 1:1 Intensive. This is the four-part Empowered, Secure, Loved method that has helped over a thousand women heal at the root, rewire their nervous systems, and fully embody secure attachment, completely customized to you, with private coaching from my team. 👉 Apply now: http://www.drmorgancoaching.co/esl-breakthrough You don't have to keep carrying her wounds into your relationships. You really don't. 🎧 Want a taste of the work first? Try the Secure. Soft. Magnetic. Audio Course If the Intensive isn't quite the right fit yet but you know you need to start now, my Secure. Soft. Magnetic. Audio Course is the perfect place to begin. It's a private podcast designed to help you regulate your nervous system, soften out of survival mode, and become magnetic to the kind of secure, emotionally available love you actually deserve. 🎧 Get instant access here: https://drmorgan.lpages.co/securesoftmagneticprivatepodcast3/ 🔗 Additional Episode Links: Take the Free Attachment Style Quiz → https://drmorgancoaching.com/quiz Follow me on IG → @drmorgancoaching Grab my book: Grab my best selling book Love Magnet
More from Let’s Get Vulnerable: Relationship and Dating Advice
Sometimes the hardest relationship to get over is the one that was never actually a relationship. You weren’t officially together, you never had the DTR, but you talked with this person constantly. You were getting just enough closeness to keep you hopeful, but never enough reassurance, emotional investment, and clarity to allow you to relax. And when you try to get out, you feel ridiculous, because it wasn’t even a real relationship. I spent too much time in situationships, including one that was on again, off again for four years, so this episode is near and dear to my own heart. We’re unpacking why these connections are so hard to leave and how to actually get into the kind of relationship you really want to be in. And remember, this is not to judge yourself. This is to understand. Inside the Episode: Why you may not actually be craving the relationship at all, just the relief you feel when they finally reach out The surprising reason situationships feel so safe when you have avoidant attachment How do you compete with a fantasy? Plus the clear and kind statement that finally closes the loop
You can text someone all day and know their entire childhood story, and still never feel close to them. We have more information about attachment than ever before, and somehow we’ve never been harder to reach. In this episode, I’m getting real about the emotional unavailability crisis: what emotional availability actually is, and why dating apps, social media, and even therapy speak are making it so hard to find. Here’s the part that might sting a little. Emotional unavailability doesn’t only live in the person who pulls away, and I know this because I used to be the one who swore I was the most available person in the room. Awareness is just step one, though, and I’m not leaving you stuck there. Inside the Episode: Why anxious attachment can make you just as emotionally unavailable as the person who disappears (plus the moment someone I was dating asked me, “Do you even know the real me?”) Five quiet signs you’re with someone who’s emotionally unavailable, even when they’re saying all the sweetest things The one shift that changes who you attract: consistency over intensity
Is what you’re getting enough to grieve what you’re not? My friend Sabrina Zohar is back on the show for round three, and this time she’s bringing her brand new book along. We talk about the night she sent 173 texts (her count stopped there because her phone kept refreshing), the programming that made her believe she was too much and not enough at the same time, and the moment she lost the person she was most afraid of losing. Here’s what I love about Sabrina: she will hold your hand and call you out in the same breath. If you’ve been reading every attachment book out there and still keep picking the same unavailable person, this conversation is going to land hard. Buckle up, because Sabrina does not sugarcoat. Inside the episode: Why your brain keeps choosing the “hell it knows” over the life you actually want, and the deadlift metaphor that finally explains it The one thing nobody wants to hear about healing, and why accepting it is what sets you free What healing looks like when you’re partnered with a secure person (spoiler: you still get triggered, and that’s a good sign)
Have you ever been more devastated over someone you almost dated than someone you actually dated? Maybe it was only a few dates. Maybe it was never official. You still find yourself rereading the texts, checking their stories, and comparing everyone you meet to a relationship that never actually existed. I’ve been there, and there’s nothing wrong with you. Today we’re kicking off a brand new series on why love and dating feel so hard right now, starting with limerence and romantic obsession through an attachment lens. The truth is, you may not be obsessed with them at all. You may be obsessed with what being chosen by them would finally prove about you. Inside the Episode: Why “just enough” connection is more addictive than a real relationship, and the cycle that keeps you hooked How limerence shows up differently for anxious and avoidant attachment (avoidants, this one might surprise you) The poem I wrote a guy on date number two, plus the questions I wish I’d asked first
What if secure attachment was never something you had to earn? This episode has been on my heart for months, and I'm so glad it's finally here. So many of us walk around saying "I'm anxious" or "I'm avoidant" like it's a life sentence. But you weren't born with an insecure attachment style. You were born with an attachment system designed for secure love, and everything else was a brilliant survival strategy you picked up along the way. Today I'm sharing why healing isn't about becoming someone new. It's about coming home to who you were always meant to be. Inside the Episode: The quiet way your attachment style becomes your identity, and the lies it starts telling you about love Why I look at people with 40-year friendships and think, "Wow, how wealthy are you?" A client story that still gives me goosebumps, and what it proves about how far healing can really go