Desire Never Retires: Vulnerability, Sex, and the Best Love of a Lifetime
Sex Advice for Seniors PodcastShow Notes
As soon as I saw Dr. Nikki Monti’s photo, an older woman with her streak of blue in her dark hair, I thought, we’re going to get along. A psychotherapist, who also calls herself a ‘thought healer,’ Nikki has appeared on a variety of high profile TV shows such as Keeping up with the Kardashians and recently published a memoir, ‘The Divine Traumedy of Nicki Joy: A True Grime Tale.’ This is a woman with a colourful past that includes three marriages, the first two short and chaotic, intertwined with drugs, alcoholism, violence and very brutal sex, which she now sees as reflecting how badly she treated herself. Her third lasted three decades and ended with the death of her partner, who following a prostatectomy, decided sex was over for both of them. Without wishing to spoil this very lively episode, her current partner, whom also had a prostatectomy, chose a very different path, embracing creativity, sensuality and adaptation, and with him she describes having the best sex of her life. Nikki is the living embodiment of my catchphrase ‘desire never retires’ and proof that, as she says, “older people can have rich sex lives if they stay in their bodies and stop running from themselves.” I encourage you to have a listen. You can find Dr. Nikki Monti here: https://www.instagram.com/drnickimonti All her books and her website is available here: https://stucknomore.com/books/ 01:43 Exploring Relationships and Marriages 04:20 Lessons from Past Marriages 08:40 Navigating Love After Loss 10:21 The Importance of Sexuality and Intimacy 18:17 Finding Connection Beyond Type 27:46 Rising into Love and Self-Discovery If you like this episode, and you’re a man who has also had a prostatectomy, you might find these two other episodes useful: Unlock even more pleasure, clarity, and confidence in your intimate life by becoming a paid subscriber. You’ll gain full access to every weekly blog, the complete archive of 150+ expert-led podcasts, the private chat room for candid Q&A, and my 32‑page guide Sex Toys and Supplements for Thriving in Later Life. If you’re ready to deepen your knowledge, explore new possibilities, and feel fully supported on your journey, upgrade today only £6.99/month or £49.99/year. I rely on your financial support to help produce each weekly episode of the podcast and blog post. Do consider becoming a paid subscriber if you can.
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More from Sex Advice for Seniors Podcast
What I Discussed With Caroline Hood - Why couples need to stay connected as lovers as well as parents. - How motherhood can affect desire, identity and intimacy. - Why women's desire may not disappear but simply get pushed aside. - What happens when you're "touched out" from caregiving. - How ageing and changing bodies can affect sexual confidence. - Why communication matters when a couple's sexual dynamic changes. - How women can reconnect with their sexual selves.
What I Discussed With Gaylen Wilson - How erectile dysfunction changed Gaylen's sex life and marriage. - Why he believes men should take ED seriously rather than ignore it. - How couples can stay connected when erections become unreliable. - Why intimacy doesn't have to be centred around performance. - How shame and withdrawal can damage relationships. - The connection between ED, attachment and fight-or-flight. - How Gaylen and Heather developed the Monument Method. - Why lifestyle, fitness and overall health still matter.
What I Discussed With Rockne O'Leary - How fitness can affect sexual performance, confidence and overall health. - Why strength training and consistency become even more important as we age. - How to start exercising again when you've been out of the gym for years. - The connection between fitness, stress, lifestyle and sexual health. - Why men need places where they can talk honestly about relationships and life. - How Rockne's men's group is trying to create a space without judgment, including eventually bringing younger and older men together.
What I Discussed With Dr. Maria Sophocles - Why sexual burnout can happen in midlife. - What menopause changes physically and sexually. - Vaginal estrogen and why it can help. - Spontaneous vs. receptive desire. - The five M's for reconnecting with sexuality. - Testosterone, “scream cream” and newer treatments for female sexual arousal. - How GLP-1 medications may affect libido and sexual health. - Practical ways to reconnect with sex and pleasure.
What I Discussed With Dr. Justin Lehmiller - How men's sexual health and desire can change as they get older. - Why erectile difficulties become more common with age and where Viagra fits in. - Why sex toys can be useful for men and how to choose the right kind of stimulation. - How to introduce sex toys into a relationship without making things awkward. - What penis pumps can do for erectile difficulties and sexual function. - Why masturbation and orgasm may have benefits beyond sexual pleasure.