Show Notes
Have you ever looked at your teen's angry outburst and wondered, "What's really going on underneath?"
When our teens slam doors, snap at us, or seem completely irrational, it's easy to react to the behavior we see. But what if those explosive moments are actually covering fear, anxiety, embarrassment, or overwhelm? In this episode, clinical psychologist Dr. Lori Kaufman shares how parents can stop taking their teen's emotions personally, regulate their own reactions, and use emotional moments as opportunities for deeper connection instead of conflict.
Guest Bio
Dr. Laurie Kaufman is a licensed clinical psychologist, certified high school teacher, and certified mindfulness educator with nearly 30 years of experience working with teenagers, parents, and families. She is the founder of Ebb and Flow Mental Health, where she provides therapy and leads parenting groups based on the internationally recognized Tuning In to Teens program. Dr. Kaufman also serves as a part-time faculty member in the University of Rhode Island's psychology department. Drawing from both her professional expertise and her experience parenting four teenagers, she helps families navigate big emotions with kindness, curiosity, and practical tools.
Three Takeaways
1. Every Behavior Has an Emotion Underneath
Teens' behaviors often don't make sense until parents understand the emotions driving them. Anger is frequently a mask for anxiety, fear, embarrassment, loneliness, or disappointment. Instead of reacting to the behavior alone, parents can become curious about what lies beneath the surface.
2. Regulate Yourself Before You Parent
When emotions escalate, the most important job isn't fixing your teen—it's calming yourself first. Taking a pause, breathing, or stepping away briefly allows you to respond thoughtfully rather than react impulsively. A regulated parent teaches emotional regulation simply by modeling it.
3. Trade Control for Connection
As teens grow, parents shift from being managers to becoming trusted consultants. By asking authentic questions, listening with empathy, and maintaining firm but warm boundaries, parents build influence instead of relying on control. The strongest parent-teen relationships combine high expectations with high support.
Learn more at: https://www.ebbandflowmentalhealth.com/
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