3 Books With Neil Pasricha

Chapter 158: Sonja Lyubomirsky helps harness happiness by honing hearty habits

3 Books With Neil Pasricha

Show Notes

​Sonja Lyubomirsky​ is one of the most influential happiness researchers of our time. Sonja moved to the United States from Moscow at age 9 in the 70s. She went to Harvard and Stanford in the 80s and began studying happiness in 1989 ... longer than almost anyone else alive! Positive psychology wasn't "founded" by ​Martin Seligman​ and ​Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi​ for another decade. Sonja has published hundreds of papers including her ​Most Cited 2005 paper​ which defined the field by flipping a long-held assumption on its head: That happiness doesn't follow success but causes it. Sonja is now following up her bestsellers '​The How of Happiness​' and '​The Myths Of Happiness​' with a new book called '​How to Feel Loved​', a joint effort co-written with relationship expert ​Dr. Harry Reis​, which is a culmination of 30 years of research that all point to one central truth: that feeling loved (not just being loved!) is a crucial ingredient of happiness. In this conversation we talk about the four horsemen that can ruin a marriage, what MDMA does to our brains, why small talk doesn't build connection, the best advice for dating, how our brains respond to love, the single best way to feel happier today, and, of course, the eminent Professor Sonja Lyubomirsky's 3 most formative books. Let's flip the page to Chapter 158 now...

More from 3 Books With Neil Pasricha

Sep 26, 2026

Happy full moon, everybody! It is the harvest moon and our leaves are falling here in Toronto. Time for change! Unavoidable, right? Sure, but maybe ... we can control how we react to it. My guest today has spent nearly six decades (!) studying ​learned optimism​, ​authentic happiness​, ​human flourishing​, and (his latest pursuit!) ​agency​ and his work is cited by thousands and taught in psychology courses worldwide. I am thrilled to come to 3 Books the co-founder of positive psychology Dr. Martin Seligman! In 1998, Marty was elected President of the ​American Psychological Association​ by the largest vote in its history. He launched positive psychology—he created it!—with ​Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi​, the psychologist who gave us '​Flow​,' and his work helped shape and influence so much of what we think about our minds and including past 3 Books guests ​Sonja Lyubomirsky​ and ​Shawn Achor​. Working at the University of Pennsylvania and ​founding the Positive Psychology Center​, where he's the Zellerbach Family Professor of Psychology, Martin's lab has run everything from the Penn Resilience Program, which has trained teachers and students around the world, to large-scale resilience programs for the U.S. Army, to more recent work on human progress and agency. Which brings us to his new book! '​Agency: The Psychological History of Human Progress​' just came out a few weeks ago and it's an ambitious project analyzing millennia of history—from Periclean Athens and the Hebrew Torah through the Renaissance, the Enlightenment, and the Civil Rights Movement—with Martin arguing that the hidden engine of human progress isn't geography or money or war ... but agency itself. Tune in as we discuss what agency is, how humans have progressed over centuries, techniques to overcome overthinking, how to use AI to positively impact our lives, whether AI is a new species, positive psychology tips to building strong marriages, abundant living, sexual desire, the definition of a good leader, and of course ... Martin Seligman's 3 most formative books. Let's flip the page to Chapter 165 now ...

Sep 11, 2026

A few years ago I was lucky enough to cross paths with Wagner Moura. He was on the eve of releasing his film '​Sergio​' after a long run playing Pablo Escobar in the hit series '​Narcos​.' Since then I've watched as his acting career has channeled upwards and onwards into feature roles in '​Civil War​', '​Dope Thief​', and his star turn in '​The Secret Agent​' where he won 'Best Actor' at both the Golden Globes and Cannes and was nominated for 'Best Actor' at the Oscars. Over the years Wag ("Vag") has become a dear friend. He's a massive heart, a fellow "boy dad", and he and his wife San live life with such a deep passion for humanity, always fighting for causes, and endlessly following their dreams. I have been inspired watching him and learning from him and in this chat I think you'll get a taste for the massive beauty that lies inside. In this chat we discuss the hinterlands of Brazil, how we stand up for what we believe in, creating art in times of crisis, and, of course, the incredible Wagner Moura's 3 most formative books. Let's flip back to Chapter 52 now....

See all episodes →