Show Notes
Most people think therapy is about reducing anxiety, managing depression, or learning better coping skills. Those things matter—but they're only the beginning. In this episode, I walk through the four levels of healing that I believe every person should understand. From symptom relief and emotional regulation to personality reorganization and the restoration of personhood, I explain how healing deepens over time and why every stage serves a purpose. I'll help you identify where you are in your own journey, what growth looks like at each level, and how to know whether your current therapeutic work is helping you move forward. Along the way, I share personal stories from my own healing, discuss the importance of secure attachment, explain why some therapists are equipped for deeper work than others, and describe why I believe the highest aim of therapy is not simply symptom management—but the restoration of the human person. Whether you're currently in therapy, considering it, or simply interested in understanding yourself more deeply, I hope this conversation gives you both a roadmap and hope. In this episode we discuss: The four levels of healing and how they build on one another
Why symptom relief is only the beginning
Emotional regulation, boundaries, and changing the way we think
How trauma shapes personality—and how personality can change
Secure attachment and what it actually feels like
Why deep healing requires patience, trust, and skilled guidance
The difference between changing your behavior and restoring your personhood
Why I believe the goal of therapy is to help us become fully human
As always, healing begins by facing reality and embracing our humanity. Follow Vanessa: https://www.instagram.com/vanessathetherapist/ Follow the show: https://www.instagram.com/theworkofbeinghuman/
More from The Work of Being Human
Everyone's favorite dysfunctional personality type is back: NARCISSISM. But are we actually helping people understand narcissism, or are we teaching them to label, manipulate, and dehumanize people they find difficult? Today, I'm responding to a viral video from a Christian counselor offering a "7-second test" to expose a Christian narcissist. Her advice? Ask a pointed question, sing "Happy Birthday" in your head, and watch what happens.
What if the way we think about mental health is actually making things worse?
We’ve heard about toxic masculinity until we’re blue in the face. But what about TOXIC FEMININITY? In this episode, I’m turning the lens toward us women and asking what happens when the very qualities that make femininity powerful become tools for gaining power over other people. I explore the natural flexibility, responsiveness, creativity, and nurturing capacity of the feminine—and how those strengths can become distorted when we move from responding to reality to trying to control it. Using the Karpman Drama Triangle, I look at three dysfunctional roles we can move between: victim, rescuer, and persecutor. Each one may look different, but all three can become strategies for gaining power in relationships. And women can move between them remarkably quickly: helpless in one moment, morally superior in another, and rescuing someone else... all before lunch! This isn’t an argument against femininity. Quite the opposite. I want women to recover what is genuinely powerful about being female without turning our vulnerability, nurture, emotionality, or adaptability into weapons. Face reality. Embrace humanity. This is The Work of Being Human.
ADHD isn't a good enough explanation... Paul Drayton was diagnosed with ADHD in 2021. Like many people, receiving the diagnosis brought relief. Experiences and behaviors that had confused him for years suddenly had a name.But does giving something a name explain it?In this conversation, I wanted to try something different. Instead of interpreting Paul through the diagnosis, I wanted to understand HIM.So we moved away from the label and into his life.We talked about the sensitive little boy who sometimes escaped the noise of his home. A family where emotions weren’t easily expressed. A teenager whose mind wouldn’t quiet down. Alcohol. Addiction. Creativity. Impulsivity. Relationships. And a deeply human desire to be heard and understood.And the further we moved away from the diagnosis, the more interesting the conversation became.We also examine what we actually know about ADHD, what we don't know, and the difference between identifying a collection of behaviors and establishing their cause.This isn't about replacing one reductive explanation with another.I simply refuse to reduce a human being to one in the first place.Paul is not "ADHD."He is a man with a history, relationships, wounds, strengths, choices, adaptations, longings, and a story still being written.And, like every one of us, he is infinitely more interesting than a diagnosis could ever account for.Paul Drayton is an actor and author of Ride — Or Die Trying.Click subscribe to follow the show!Follow me on instagram: https://www.instagram.com/vanessathetherapist/Follow the show: https://www.instagram.com/theworkofbeinghuman/Paul's book: https://www.amazon.com/Ride-Die-Trying-Before-Laughter/dp/B0HDR233Q9/ref=tmm_aud_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&dib_tag=se&dib=eyJ2IjoiMSJ9.zbHEfHT7LWcK5skFtpnfetf2njpzYJGzMI6RJNu1CPpuD5HHsQjOh90A5MEFcA0xH3moj6EYSJ9y00dLLQ71rHc0ARZH9Qg04Yb57OK4wc8M8guK4rxDGn2jKNsggHDjlb9UXuyUB4xDRErXjDrauCiZ4SnmlsS45HtjoLyljj7cVOd7nU7tGGSGGzPb2zLu5-FPsc6xieqIVkY7LpgxRVYYS0qG-f4kSd5X3tCo9hs.ywH5bmWrV2VuQCVSm_epW66i1Kr9WKadQIPBtYjw5Dg&qid=1789350621&sr=1-1