#255 Rewriting Masculinity: Talking Circles, Rites of Passage, and Real Change (with Michael Brasher)
Men, Sex, and Pleasure with Cam FraserShow Notes
On this episode of #mensexpleasure, I chat with Michael Brasher, a passionate men's work facilitator and community organizer. Michael’s journey began while working at a domestic violence shelter, where his exposure to a men’s education program transformed his understanding of masculinity and violence. Since then, he has devoted his life to violence prevention and creating spaces for men to heal, grow, and reconnect with their emotional lives. Michael shares insights from years of running men’s groups, talking circles, and rites of passage experiences for men and boys. We explore the challenges of engaging men in vulnerability, the harmful impacts of traditional masculine norms, and the importance of bridging personal healing with community action. Michael’s work is grounded in compassion, connection, and a vision of masculinity rooted in care and accountability.
Key Points:
Michael's background and passion for men's work
Michael shares his personal story of how working at a domestic violence shelter and going through a men's education program changed his life and set him on a path to devote himself to violence prevention and community organizing to help men understand and heal from the violence they've been incentivized into.
Challenges of engaging men in this work
Michael discusses how men are often resistant to this type of work, but explains that if the right space and conversation is created, men will open up and be vulnerable. He shares examples of successfully facilitating men's groups and workshops, even with populations like fraternities that are often seen as resistant.
The socialization of masculinity and its impacts
Michael and Cam explore how traditional masculine norms and expectations are deeply harmful, leading men to disconnect from their emotions and pain. They discuss how this socialization perpetuates cycles of violence and trauma that get passed down generationally.
Creating spaces for men to heal and grow
Michael describes the importance of creating spaces for men to be vulnerable, share their pain, and reimagine healthier versions of masculinity. He shares examples of programs he's run, like weekly talking circles and wilderness rites of passage trips for boys and men.
Bridging individual healing and community action
Cam and Michael discuss the need to move beyond just individual healing work and into collective action and community organizing to dismantle the systemic issues underlying toxic masculinity. They explore ideas like volunteering at community centers, leading group trips, and building intergenerational relationships.
Overcoming resistance and criticism
They acknowledge the challenges of facing criticism and resistance, especially around perceptions of men working with boys. They emphasize the importance of being grounded in one's community and values, and not letting fear of judgment prevent doing important work.
Michael's ongoing programs and resources
Michael shares information about his ongoing work, including his social media presence, monthly men's talking circles, and upcoming book club discussions - all aimed at providing spaces for men to heal, grow, and build healthier relationships.
Relevant links: Website: https://www.lifeunboundcoaching.com/ Instagram: @lifeunboundcoaching
More from Men, Sex, and Pleasure with Cam Fraser
On this episode of #mensexpleasure, Cam shares a selection of clips from his social media where he has debunked alpha male talking points. This is a collection of shorter videos.
On this episode of #mensexpleasure, Cam chats with Freya, a sex coach and educator and host of The Labia Lounge. They discuss her “Find Freya a Fella” hybrid PR/social experiment aimed at finding a partner while documenting modern dating frustrations like app fatigue, micro-rejections, loneliness, and Australia’s “nonchalance” about showing interest. Boycotting apps, she attends Melbourne singles events and practices meeting people “in the wild” by initiating conversations, being more approachable, and building community to counter scarcity mindset. They explore ethical “practice” in approaching strangers, attunement to cues, reducing pressure by reframing dates, and her idea for a “Mates and Dates” mixer. Freya shares mixed results—some dates but no long-term match—plus stigma women face for openly wanting commitment, and where to follow the campaign online.
Is OnlyFans Social Media? Intimacy, Ethics, and
On this episode of #mensexpleasure, Cam chats with Rae Szereszewski, a sexual health educator and relationship coach, to discuss sexual choking/strangulation, noting there is no fully safe way but there are harm-reduction approaches and a need for teen education beyond pregnancy/STIs given porn influence. Rae reframes STI education as “not if, but when,” focuses on non-stigmatizing disclosure and communication, advocates “team disclosure." They also cover sex-positive space etiquette, consent as a spectrum, and aligning words and actions with better check-ins.
On this episode of #mensexpleasure, we take a trip down memory lane as Cam shares a presentation he gave at Camp Lovehoney back in 2020. He explains how toys and lube can support sexual health and pleasure, including using masturbators to help premature ejaculation and erectile difficulties by retraining stroke patterns and reducing friction, and using edging to prolong arousal. Cam highlights prostate play as a pathway to non-ejaculatory prostate orgasms, multi-orgasmic potential, and greater empathy as a penetrative partner, citing survey findings that partners of men who’ve explored anal penetration report higher satisfaction. He shares Lovehoney study stats on toy use and reviews products including a thrusting masturbator with dirty-talk audio, a vibrating couples ring, and a remote-controlled prostate massager, plus previews upcoming BlowMotion masturbators and answers audience questions.