Dementia Life: Barb has cared for, loved and lost 5 people with dementia, including husband Peter.
Midlife Unfiltered: The Season Of MeShow Notes
In this very open and honest conversation, Barbara shares with me her remarkable story of caring for 5 loved ones who had dementia. Her mother-in-law, her mum, a dear aunty, her aunty’s close friend, and her husband Peter. She wanted to share her story with you so that if you’re also caring from someone with dementia it might give you some light in the darkness. If you are yet to care for someone with dementia, her story might shed some light on what it can be like. Personal stories give us a richness, a door to deeper understanding. Awareness about dementia is a focus for this podcast. Sharing stories like Barb’s help to bring that in a very relatable way. Beyond the medical and research facts. Real life. Dementia Life. Thank you Barb for your care, your devotion and courage to speak your story for others.
Join Us As We Talk About… Peter’s Story Barb gives us insights into what it was like caring for her much loved husband Peter, the clues that dementia was presenting itself and how the condition progressed. Peter was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s at 65 and lived with it until he passed away at 76. Getting that diagnosis took two years. It was Barbara’s persistence, shaped by her care of four loved ones previously with dementia, that finally got that diagnosis. She describes the early signs, some that were easy to miss if you didn’t know what you were looking for. Barb knew. She’d seen some of them before. The many phone calls (sometimes 30 a day) Pete would make to her. The misplaced keys, forgotten meetings and the day Pete got completely lost driving a way home he was so very familiar with. That was the most confronting for Peter. The Masking One of the things Barb opens up about is how well Peter masked his dementia. He was very good at covering things up. His doctor couldn’t see what she could see. Colleagues at their car dealership weren’t ready to believe changes needed to be made in their business; but Barb could. Peter himself wanted to keep it a secret, which raised the painful question, ‘how much do you share, with whom, and when?’ Balancing his dignity and wishes against the practical reality of keeping him safe. That was hard. What Helped Barb shares some of the things that helped with these challenges. Reframing, not confronting. When it was time for Peter to stop driving, his doctor told him it was his eyesight that was making it unsafe for him to drive. Not dementia. Peter could accept that. He never would have accepted “you can’t drive anymore because you have dementia.” Finding the kind path to the same truth helps enormously. It maintains dignity and keeps things calmer. Loving understanding of family and friends - it helps to keep things calm which always helps. Confrontation does not. Keeping routines alive. Peter loved a glass of red wine and a beer. Rather than take that pleasure away, Barb switched to non-alcoholic versions. He never noticed. He was happy. (Unlike my Dad who knew! “This wine tastes sh#t.” I think it was his Italian DNA that gave him the clue. In the end, he didn’t even want it.) Peter also kept playing table tennis almost right up until the end. A computer on a desk in his room made the space feel familiar. Small things that brought familiarity and comfort. On that computer he could see videos and photos of the family. Patience. Patience. And More Patience. Barb talks honestly about what it takes to answer the same question as though it’s the first time, every, single, time. Easier said than done. But keeping things calm, she says, was everything. Music. Barb shares how profoundly enjoyable and soothing music was for Peter. So much so that she did a course in how to use it therapeutically, for Peter and for others in the care facility he was eventually placed in too.
The Nature of Peter’s Care Over Time. Barb talks about how Peter’s care changed over those 11 years. From being at home full-time, to day care growing from one day a week to four, their daughter covering another day.
More from Midlife Unfiltered: The Season Of Me
Eight years ago, at 51, I was diagnosed with osteoporosis caused by an overactive parathyroid gland. I’ve been reversing my osteoporosis ever since, with better results at each scan. That was until two DEXA scans two months apart, on two different machines, told two very different stories. For the first time, it lead me to believe I was not. That I had gone horribly backwards. One made it look as though my hip had slid back towards my pre-surgery levels. The other, on the machine I’d used for years, was far more encouraging. What was ‘true’? What was going on? This episode is about understanding why this can happen, what I did about it and how to read your own reports more closely - to find clarity. It includes the calculations and questions I promised below. This is information, not medical advice. Please take your results and questions to your own doctor or health team.
In this honest conversation, pelvic and sexual health physiotherapist Lisa Fitzpatrick draws on 30+ years of clinical experience and her own heartbreak to explain menopause and sex, vaginal dryness, painful intercourse and reclaiming pleasure in midlife. We call out myths and bring truth to misconceptions; the silences surrounding women’s sexual health as we age. Silence that breeds shame and holds women captive in their own minds and bodies. Clinically, we explore the genitourinary syndrome of menopause (GSM), why pelvic floor relaxation matters as much as strengthening, vaginal moisturisers and lubricants, local oestrogen, and why ‘use it or lose it’ applies to pelvic health. Emotionally, we talk about shame, nervous system safety, identity, desire, relationships and the role of connection and self-trust in thriving after menopause. Whether you are navigating menopause yourself, supporting a partner, or simply want to understand women’s sexual health in midlife, this episode offers compassionate, practical insight.
In midlife the changes are BIG. The rate of those divorcing over the age of 50 is at an all time high. Increasingly too, the ‘relationships’ we have with AI are becoming deeper and wider in application and in frequency. When it comes to Grey Divorce, AI’s role is also deepening, some may say becoming a dependence. As much as those conversations about your divorce, your relationship, your marriage you may be having with Claude, Chat GPT (name your preferred AI) seem helpful, they do come with certain risks you may not be aware of. That’s the focus of this podcast chat. Not to scare, to inform. For awareness. I sat down with Kiki Hart (aka Louise Cooper). Louise is a lawyer, accredited mediator, and someone who’s been through a divorce herself, to unpack where midlife, divorce and artificial intelligence are all colliding at once. I came away with a lot to think about, and I suspect you will too. In this episode… Grey divorce is real, and it’s us Kiki lead the conversation with some stats around divorce trends here in Australia (which are not that dissimilar to those in the US and elsewhere). Whilst divorce rates have remained reasonably steady overall it’s the divorces involving marriages of 20 years or more that have proportionally risen 20% in Australia since the 1980s. The shift is happening at the 50-plus stage of life. Some of the numbers we discussed: * Median age at divorce in Australia in 2025: 47.3 for men, 44.4 for women * 29% of Australian divorces are now ‘grey divorces’ (people 50+) * In the US, the rate of over-50s divorcing roughly doubled between 1990 and 2010. * Overall divorce rates are sitting near their lowest since the mid-1970s - it’s specifically midlife driving the trend upward, not divorce in general
Squash is often called the world’s healthiest sport. In this episode of the Midlife Unfiltered podcast my squash coach Caleb Johnson joins me to unpack why. I also share my own return to the game after 30 years. Squash is on the rise again. Is it for you? The ball’s in your court 🙂 In this episode we talk about: * Caleb – as an Australian professional squash player, squash and fitness coach, runs a junior academy and squash advocate. * What makes squash different from most racquet sports - it has no net that separates players (for starters) and the benefits of that. * Racquet sports – in order of popularity * A brief history of squash and its evolution – the popular years and its rapid decline * Squash as an inclusion in the 2028 LA Olympics – and its rise again. * The health benefits of racquet sports in general * The physical health benefits of squash specifically: high calories burned (600–1,000 calories/hour), cardio challenging, muscles and bone benefits from multi-movements and multi-directional impacts – without the level of injury of other forms of sport * Tarek Momen vs. Rafael Nadal: a wild real-world comparison of match intensity – how tennis and squash compare. Not to knock tennis (we both love tennis) but to highlight the differences and impacts on health. * High intensity, ‘interval training’ nature of the sport PLUS endurance. * Brain and neural health benefits – squash is called ‘chess on legs’ – split second decision making and anticipation of where the ball is going next and where to place it. * Caleb shares a personal story about his friend with 7% vision who restored vision. through playing squash – he’s hoping it will be studied in the future. * Bone & Muscle health – how it helps our bones and muscles (and the study that shows this) * The ease to integrate it into life – doesn’t take up much time, can practice on your own (no balls to chase on the other side of the net!), build skills, play socially, competitively and it’s inexpensive. * Squash’s Olympic debut at LA 2028, and what it means for the sport’s future * The sport everyone’s Dad used to play – now it’s on the rise again. * How to start playing squash – as a new sport; * How to get back into squash again – the mind-body gap, and how to do it safely – people like me coming back to squash after 3 decades away (we are the risk group guys); warming up for as long as you play for starters. Here’s to squash in the 2028 in the LA Olympics and then 2032 in our home town of Brisbane, Australia. Get out there and start squashing in your local area. Unfortunately, our audio mucked up in the final minutes of our chat, sorry. Thank goodness for the subtitles! Find Caleb: Caleb Johnson Squash - Instagram, Facebook, and website Related Midlife Unfiltered episodes: * Bone Chatter: Strong Bones Are More Than Density * Re-Entry in Midlife: Who You Were Before Kids If you’d like a full deep-dive - history, global participation, the studies behind every claim, and more…keep reading below. The full story: I picked up a squash racquet when I was about 6. After 30 years since competing, I’m back playing squash for the health benefits I know it brings. Join Caleb Johnson, my fabulous squash coach and I as we explore this brilliant, unique racquet sport. It’s been called the #1 all-round healthiest sport and is often referred to as ‘chess on legs’. Meet Caleb. Caleb is a professional squash player and coach, currently ranked 311 in the world and #15 in Australia. He started playing at 14, (late by professional standards, where most competitors start at 4, 5, or 6) and became Australia’s #1 under-19 player by 18. He turned professional at 22. His goal…crack the top 100, and maybe, just maybe, an Olympic team spot in 2028. Alongside his own playing career, he coaches clients from age 5 to 85. Squash is different from other racquet sports. Unlike tennis, table tennis, pickleball, badminton, or padel, players share the exact same physical space. There’s no net that separate
Sarah is my optometrist. Actually, Sarah and Sally both are. I’ve been asking my health team members specifically about what their ‘area of body expertise’ is affected in peri-menopause and post-menopausally. To get the facts straight from the expert’s mouth. I had my bi-annual eye exam recently and asked Sally if there are any conditions she knew of that are more prominent in midlife, that are attributable to menopause? Instantly, she said “yes, Dry Eye Disease“ and “Sarah is the one to speak about it. (Yep, she threw Sarah straight under the bus. Thankfully they’re great mates). And Sarah said “yes”. We talk a lot about how menopause dries things up - skin, mouth, vagina. You know. You can probably add a few more to the list. Turns out, dry eyes are too and most of us have no idea. Why is that? Is it the lack of research? Lack of clinical knowledge? Or the simple fact that we’re just not talking about it? Probably all 3. So today Sarah and I are changing that. With her 20+ years of clinical and academic experience in optometry, running a dedicated Dry Eye Clinic and as a woman in midlife, Sarah is perfectly positioned to talk to us about what happens to our eyes in this time of life and what we can do to help them as we age. Yep, she’s our gal! Because that blurry vision you blame on needing a new prescription, or thinking your watery, gritty, tired eyes are because of seasonal changes (and the season of your life), this episode is for you. Let’s go!