Why Dating Apps Fail Older LGBTQ Singles—and What a Matchmaker Does Instead

Ever wondered what it’s like to hire a matchmaker? This week I spoke with Tammy Shaklee, a heterosexual woman who specialises in matching LGBTQ+ clients over 50. She’s spent 14 years helping gay and lesbian singles find serious relationships. It goes without saying, I was curious to hear how she got her start. Turns out, after her divorce, Tammy hired a matchmaker and met her husband. Years later, a gay friend said he wished there was a matchmaking service for gay men who valued privacy. Tammy assumed one existed. She researched for 24 hours, pretending to be a 40-year-old gay physician looking for a dignified way to meet professionals online. She found nothing dignified. That’s when she realised matchmakers weren’t serving the LGBTQ community at all. Being entrepreneurial, she built a service exclusively for gay and lesbian singles seeking serious relationships called H4M. The biggest problem she encountered? Older gay men, it is assumed, want younger partners. Younger men want financial support. If you’re seeking someone your own age with similar stability, you’re stuck. App for gay men are more often than not hookup platforms. They don’t work for finding real compatibility. That’s where matchmakers come in - introducing you to people you’d never meet on your own. My favourite story of Tammy’s? A 66-year-old widow called Tammy, bursting with enthusiasm. She’d just spoken with her parents in their late 90s, still independent, still in love, still caring for each other. “I realised I have a 30-year relationship in front of me. We need to get started.” Tammy matched her twice. She met someone and never needed another introduction. Tammy’s filter for clients: “Would I have you at my holiday table? Would I set you up with my siblings?” She turns people away if she’s not the right fit, then helps them find someone who is. Cost: Thousands, not tens of thousands. She starts with a phone call. If the decision i is made to work together, Tammy will introduce you to one new person per month. She manages venues, reservations, and feedback calls. The process continues until one match clicks. The takeaway: “When you love the life you’ve built, that’s magnetic. People want kindness and someone happy with what they have.” Contentment attracts. Desperation repels. Don’t we know it?! What Matters * You might have 30 years left. Do the math on your own life. * People want partners who like their lives, not people who hate theirs. * Apps are hookup tools now. Use different tools for serious relationships. * Interview your matchmaker. Ask: Would they have you at their holiday table? * Enthusiasm wins. Hope beats pessimism every time. Connect with Tammy Website https://www.h4m.com/ Instagram H4M Matchmaking Facebook https://www.facebook.com/H4MMatchmaking YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@H4MMatchmaking Unlock even more pleasure, clarity, and confidence in your intimate life by becoming a paid subscriber. You’ll gain full access to every weekly blog, the complete archive of 150+ expert-led podcasts, the private chat room for candid Q&A, and my 32‑page guide Sex Toys and Supplements for Thriving in Later Life. If you’re ready to deepen your knowledge, explore new possibilities, and feel fully supported on your journey, upgrade today only £6.99/month or £49.99/year. I rely on your financial support to help produce each weekly episode of the podcast and blog post. Do consider becoming a paid subscriber if you can.

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