Show Notes
You've been called too much your whole life. Too loud, too opinionated, too intense, too independent, too picky. You've done the work, sat through the dates, read the books, and still gone home wondering what's wrong with you. Nothing is wrong with you. You've just been looking in the wrong places.
Serena Kerrigan spent six years as the loudest, most confident voice in the dating conversation, the woman millions turned to, and she almost didn't write her book because being single made her feel like a fraud. In this episode, she and Valeria get into the reframe that changed everything, and it's the same one that led Serena to the man she now lives with: she met him on a stranger's podcast, reading out a text from a guy who had ghosted her, and he told her she wasn't too much, she was just looking in the wrong places.
They talk about why she invented a whole confident persona at eighteen because she was insecure, the year she went quiet building something no one could see, why the most successful women walk around in masculine energy that quietly keeps love out, and the dating advice she's had to fact-check now that she's actually in love. And the line every woman needs to hear: stop calling yourself picky. You're not picky. You're refusing to settle.
You were the prize the whole time.
New episodes of Not Alone every Wednesday. Subscribe so you never miss one.
Follow Serena: Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/serenakerrigan TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@serenakerrigan Her book, Let's F*cking Date: https://letsfuckingdate.com/
Follow Valeria: Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/valerialipovetsky TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@valeria.lipovetsky Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/valerialipovetskyblog
Follow Not Alone: Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/notalonepod TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@notalone.pod Podcast: https://www.notalonepod.com/
Shop my look from this episode: https://shopmy.us/shop/collections/5542133 Amazon Storefront: https://www.amazon.com/shop/valerialipovetsky
What we talked about: 2:44 The book this isn't, and the book it actually is 3:31 Eighteen, insecure, and inventing SFK as armor 4:15 Standing at the mirror, saying the name out loud 5:17 When confidence starts as a performance 6:24 The night people were blown away that she stopped caring 7:04 I'm actually a sensitive person and an empath 8:30 When the persona became a crutch 9:27 The fine line of knowing when to turn it on 10:29 What guy is going to want to deal with that? 11:07 Altering yourself before you even walk into the date 12:21 Holding up mirrors to yourself 12:47 Going back to figure out what wasn't working 13:07 I didn't think I was worthy of a relationship 13:49 Deciding to show up as herself, not the persona 14:03 Why she walked away to write the book 14:56 When she finally felt like she figured it out 16:09 Calling her agent: what if I wrote a dating book? 17:20 I'm going to stop editing myself 17:38 On a stranger's podcast, reading out the text that ghosted her 18:06 For the right guy, you'll be the perfect amount 18:43 Meeting the man who saw the soft person underneath 19:22 What to actually look for: feeling safe 19:48 When you don't trust yourself around someone 20:40 When you meet the right person, the anxiety goes quiet 21:08 The daddy issues reframe, and the not-enough wound 22:04 The older man, and what she was really chasing 22:46 Whatever you want, that's fine: losing herself on dates 23:12 The dating advice she's had to fact-check now 24:06 The wall she put up when it was actually going well 25:21 Both of you still figuring out who you are 26:54 The three Ps: become the prize, enjoy the ride, never settle 27:32 We're so hard on ourselves 28:16 It's not men are trash, and it's not mason jar affirmations 29:37 The only thing you can control is how you show up 30:34 When was the last time you did something outside your comfort zone? 31:29 Writing the book was the most uncomfortable thing 32:04 A beautiful Miami s
More from Not Alone
You do everything right. The blackout curtains, the tracker, the supplements, the cold room. And you still wake up exhausted, check your sleep score, and somehow feel even worse.
You learned early that it was all on you, so you worked harder than everyone around you, and it worked. Somewhere along the way you stopped asking what you were actually trying to prove, or who it was ever for.
It's just me today. No guest, no questions. Just me and everything that's been sitting in my head since my birthday.
You built the life you were supposed to want. The career, the wins, the whole thing. And lately you've been quietly wondering why you don't want it anymore, and then feeling insane for wondering, because nothing is technically wrong.
A four-year-old boy who can't sit still for circle time used to just be a four-year-old boy. Now it's an evaluation, a diagnosis, a meeting where you nod politely and then cry in the car. That's where this conversation started, and it's the one I've been wanting to have for a long time. I'm a mother of three boys, and Dr. Michael Milobsky said the thing I've felt in my body for years: most of the boys who end up in his office are completely normal. The label is the problem, not the boy.