Show Notes
What if there's someone better out there? Why is marriage so hard? In this final episode of our Stay in Your Cell series, we name that forbidden thought for what it is: a lie. We start with our own story, including the struggles in our marriage, because we're still in process ourselves.
Paul warns that anyone who marries will face trouble. Every marriage has it, from deep heartache and betrayal to the mundane difficulties of daily life. Marriage is also a mirror that reflects who we really are, and the pressure cooker of marriage and kids only makes that mirror bigger. The lie says life would be easier and happier with someone else. But what if, instead of running, you stayed in the pain long enough to find joy in the life you already have? The Desert Mothers and Fathers taught that if you stay in your cell, it will teach you everything you need to know. Staying means accepting the spouse you actually married, not the idealized version we can endlessly edit in our minds. If you feel broken right now, God is with you, and this is not the end of your story.
Here are four practices for staying: Name the marriage you're comparing yours to. Then ask what you believe that marriage would give you that you're longing for. Own your side of the street. Each spouse can ask: What is mine to own? What is mine to do? What is mine to release? Practice turning toward one another. When you want to withdraw, make one move toward your spouse. Renew your yes. Tell each other that you still choose them.
When we do our own healing, we bring healing to the next generation too. God gives grace to the humble, and since we can't control our spouse's formation, each of us has to humble ourselves and invite Jesus into the desperate places. Our first yes was said with hope; our later yes is said with knowledge. So maybe the better question is: what if you stay long enough to let God use your spouse to make you the kind of person He wants you to be?
Scripture Mentioned: 1 Corinthians 7:28, Genesis 24, Colossians 3:13, John 15:4, James 4:6 + Matthew 5:3
Book Mentioned: A Long Obedience in the Same Direction by Eugene Peterson
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