This is 40

Firm, Warm Boundaries and the Power of the Pause

This is 40

Show Notes

This week I'm joined by Nikki, a much-loved old family friend, who has just turned 50. She's a former primary school teacher and senior leader who now supports women to show up in their lives in a connected, embodied and powerful way. Nikki shares how her forties turned into a deep invitation to come back to herself. We talk about learning to hold firm, warm boundaries, and about perimenopause as a paradigm shift rather than something to fear. We also get into why women still have to advocate so hard for themselves, and how the simplest acts of connection can be the most powerful. Nikki finishes by guiding us through a short somatic practice you can try at home. Key Takeaways

Boundaries can be firm and warm. Nikki learned to hold them by listening to her body rather than getting tangled up in her thoughts. Perimenopause can be an opening, not an ending. Nikki sees it as a paradigm shift and the start of a "second season", and she's honest about the brain fog too. Small, simple things make the biggest difference. Eating together, being truly seen, dancing to a favourite song or taking a dip in a river all count. Your body gives you information. Noticing where a feeling shows up physically helps you name it, and pausing before you respond helps you communicate better. Community helps us advocate. The more women share their experiences, the easier it is to speak up for ourselves and each other.

Episode Highlights

02:00: Nikki shares how her forties unfolded, including the health scare that made her put herself first 07:30: How kinesiology helped Nikki listen to her body and learn to hold "elite" boundaries 11:30: Perimenopause, brain fog and why Nikki sees it as a paradigm shift 20:30: Why women still need such high self-advocacy in healthcare, and how community can help 27:00: The power of simply being seen, and easy ways to reconnect with your family and yourself 35:00: Interoception explained: how to listen to your body's signals and name what you're feeling 45:00: Nikki guides us through a short somatic practice

About the Guest Nikki is a coach and facilitator who supports women to feel more like themselves and step into their own leadership.

Website: https://moremyself.uk Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/nikki.racey?stkn=enlpb3pyczB1eXF3

Mentioned in the Episode

Kinesiology (muscle testing) and Nikki's kinesiologist, Ali: [ADD LINK] Internal Family Systems / "parts work" The Diary of a CEO podcast Bristol Heart Institute

End Credits This episode was written and recorded by me and produced by Lucy Lucraft (lucylucraft.co.uk). If you enjoyed this episode, please leave a 5* rating and review!

More from This is 40

Oct 21, 2026

This week I'm joined by Naomi Gale, a pelvic health educator, former teacher and author of two books. Naomi specialises in nervous system-led holistic pelvic care, and we cover a lot of ground, from why we should all be using the proper anatomical words to what vaginal steaming actually involves. We talk about the pressure women are under to say yes when our bodies are saying no, why your symptoms might be feedback rather than a problem to fix, and how Naomi's first book ended up shadow-banned on Amazon. I loved this conversation, and I hope you leave it feeling a little more connected to your body. Key Takeaways

Oct 14, 2026

This week I'm joined by my friend Jen Bianchi, a dentist with nearly 20 years' experience, to talk about something we hardly ever hear in the perimenopause and menopause conversation: our teeth. Jen explains why the mouth is the gateway to the rest of the body, what bleeding gums can tell us, and why getting the basics right beats any miracle product. We also dig into dry mouth, the sneaky sugars hiding in squash and herbal teas, burning mouth syndrome, and what we do (and don't) know about HRT and gum health. It's an honest chat about science, stress and why we so often put ourselves last on the list. Key Takeaways

Oct 7, 2026

Perimenopause crept up on me, and I genuinely didn't know it was a thing until I was in the middle of it. So for this episode I've invited my friend Dr Caroline McKenzie Hill, known to me as Caz, to give us the GP's view. We keep things broad today. We cover when perimenopause can start, how to tell it apart from burnout, the symptoms nobody warns you about, where HRT fits in, and how to prepare for a GP appointment so you feel properly heard. Please send in your questions too, as Caz will be back to answer them! Key Takeaways

Sep 23, 2026

Everyone online is telling us to lift weights, but nobody seems to explain why. In this episode I'm joined by my friend Aoife, a personal trainer and group fitness instructor who specialises in strength training through perimenopause and menopause. I worked with Aoife before I'd ever picked up a weight, and her passion for helping women feel strong is completely infectious. We talk about what's happening with our hormones, why keeping our lean muscle mass matters so much, and how to fit strength work into a busy life without the guilt. We also get into bone density, jumping, pelvic floor health and the "I'll get bulky" myth. If you've ever felt unheard when you've said "something doesn't feel right", this one is for you. KEY TAKEAWAYS - Lifting weights isn't a trend. Maintaining lean muscle mass supports our strength, posture and independence, and helps us to live well for longer.- Something is better than nothing. The textbook says two to three sessions a week, but ten minutes counts, so don't set yourself up to fail.- Bones need impact as well as muscle. Bone density peaks around 30, and jumping (even off the bottom stair) helps.- Think "engage" rather than "brace" for your core and pelvic floor, and get your pelvic floor checked if you have any concerns.- Talking about perimenopause matters. Sharing stories helps us to advocate for ourselves, and you are worth showing up for. EPISODE HIGHLIGHTS - 02:00: Why we should be lifting weights, and why perimenopause can begin as early as 35- 04:00: Oestrogen "dipping and diving" like the sea, and why lean muscle mass is the goal- 08:00: How often should we lift? Aoife on why any amount beats none- 16:00: Bone density, the Aero versus Crunchie analogy, and why jumping matters- 19:00: Pelvic floor, breathing and core: why engaging beats bracing- 28:00: Busting the "I'll get bulky" myth and taking up space ABOUT THE GUEST Aoife is a personal trainer and group fitness instructor who specialises in strength training for women in perimenopause and menopause.- Website: - Instagram: MENTIONED IN THE EPISODE Instagram @aoifemeldonpt

Sep 16, 2026

Welcome back to This is 40. I’m by myself again today, we had a minor technical issue with my scheduled guest, Aoife, but I'll have her on the show next week!

See all episodes →