“You like my sister more than me!” How to respond | Q&A with Dr. J The Mom Psychologist | 64

Your child hits you and then immediately reaches out for a hug. Do you give it to them? It's common to freeze in these moments, worried you're rewarding the hitting or sending mixed signals. In this episode I'm breaking down what's actually happening in your child's brain when they seek connection after aggression, why the choice between comfort and consequence is a false one, and exactly what to say in real time so you can hold the boundary and stay connected at the same time.

Your child isn't defiant, they're undercoached. That's the reframe I want to leave you with in this episode, and I promise it will change how you show up in the hardest parenting moments. I share the story of my own toddler getting aggressive at a play gym and the one question that shifted me from reactive to intentional in real time. I break down the invisible social and emotional curriculum that starts at home with us, the exact phrases every child needs to know starting in the toddler years, and how to use play (not lectures) to teach these skills proactively. I also talk about line feeding your child words in the moment, what labeled praise actually sounds like, and why if things feel messy right now that means you're right in the middle of the most important work. 00:24 Moment at a play gym 01:21 Misperceiving Behavior 04:16 Importance of Direct Scripts 06:56 Power of Play 08:58 Repetition 12:22 Misconception That We're Failing 14:02 Reflection 14:26 Conclusion and Mantra Get TMP Times in your inbox every Monday. Start your free 7-day trial 👉🏽 https://www.themompsychologist.com/tmptimes 💌 Free Parenting Script Pack: https://themompsychologist.com/script-pack 💌 Follow me over on Instagram - http://www.instagram.com/themompsychologist If you enjoyed this episode, consider leaving a rating. It truly helps. Thanks for tuning in!

"That's not fair." "You're not the boss of me." "I don't WANT to." Most of us were raised where those phrases got us in serious trouble — so when our own kids say them, our nervous system goes straight to threat mode. In this episode I'm reframing all of it. I break down what each of these phrases actually means from a developmental standpoint, how to tell the difference between healthy communication and genuine disrespect, and the exact scripts to respond in a way that holds your authority and honors your child's growing voice at the same time. I also share why shutting these phrases down might be teaching the opposite of what you want — including the skill your teenager is going to need. Grab my free Script Pack at the link in the show notes for more scripts you can use right away. Chapters 00.26- Intro 00:44- What's Actually Developing 02:30- The 5 Phrases and What They Really Mean 05:20- Healthy Communication vs. Actual Disrespect 09:06- Scripts That Hold the Boundary and Honor Their Voice Get TMP Times in your inbox every Monday. Start your free 7-day trial 👉🏽 https://www.themompsychologist.com/tmptimes 💌 Free Parenting Script Pack: https://themompsychologist.com/script-pack 💌 Follow me over on Instagram - http://www.instagram.com/themompsychologist If you enjoyed this episode, consider leaving a rating. It truly helps. Thanks for tuning in!

LET'S CHAT ALL THINGS PARENTING: I'm answering all your parenting questions and sharing real advice you can actually use in this Q&A from lying to teachers, sibling teasing and aggression, my experience losing 100 lbs after having 3 kids, backtalk and negative attitudes, responding to "I'm not going to let you play anymore!", 3 year old being too aggressive with baby, dating talk, forming secure attachment with our kids, guiding teenagers into colleges without being pushy, and more!! If you've ever struggled with any of these, this episode is for you. 💖

I'll never forget the time my 7-year-old had a full meltdown on our bedroom floor over a shirt disagreement. After 30 minutes of listening, problem-solving, and offering alternatives, I finally said, "It's okay to feel upset. Don't let your feelings get in the way of your responsibilities." Then I walked away. Five minutes later, she was completely ready. In this episode, I break down why constant emotional processing without expectations can actually increase your child's emotional intensity and prevent them from building resilience. Chapters: Intro: Emotional Validation Has Gone Too Far - 00:00 Meltdown Story: What I Said to My 7-Year-Old - 01:05 How to Model "Both/And" Language - 11:28 Building Resilience: When to Process vs. Redirect - 13:22 💌 Get TMP Times in your inbox every Monday. Start your free 7-day trial 👉🏽 https://www.themompsychologist.com/tmptimes 💌 Free Parenting Script Pack: https://themompsychologist.com/script-pack 💌 Follow me over on Instagram - http://www.instagram.com/themompsychologist If you enjoyed this episode, consider leaving a rating. It truly helps. Thanks for tuning in!