206: Avoidants: Did You Mean Anything To Them? What's Really Going On After A Breakup

Love Is Blind UK star ⁠Tom Stroud⁠ sets the record straight on his reality TV villain edit, including why Netflix made him reshoot the altar scene. He shares how therapy after the show led him to build ⁠Shoulder to Shoulder⁠, a men’s community tackling the male loneliness epidemic, and he and Sabrina get honest about men’s mental health, why so many men avoid therapy, and why shaming men for their feelings only pushes them further away.Tom also opens up about his father wound, losing his dad before they could reconcile, and what his relationship has taught him about conflict, anger, and emotional safety. Plus: why men need male friendships, red flags that look like green flags, scheduling sex in a busy relationship, and what women and men need to understand about each other.Come see me on tour! ⁠https://sabrinazohar.com/tour⁠Order Sabrina's book,⁠⁠⁠ "Why Am I Like This?"⁠⁠Take the new and improved dating quiz! ⁠⁠sabrinazohar.com/quiz⁠⁠If you’re ready to slow down, trust your instincts, and break your old dating patterns, the Healthy Relationship Foundations Course walks you through it step-by-step ⁠⁠⁠HERE!⁠⁠⁠Product of the week! ⁠https://amzn.to/4v1eHW⁠jGet Ad free ⁠⁠⁠HERE!⁠⁠⁠ Watch on Spotify. Spotify subscribers get fewer ads on my video.Want to work with Sabrina? ⁠⁠⁠HERE!⁠⁠⁠ Get merch for The Sabrina Zohar Show ⁠⁠⁠HERE!⁠⁠⁠ Don't forget to follow ⁠⁠⁠Sabrina⁠⁠⁠ and ⁠⁠⁠The Sabrina Zohar Show⁠⁠⁠ on Instagram and ⁠⁠⁠Sabrina ⁠⁠⁠on TikTok! Video now available on ⁠⁠⁠YOUTUBE!⁠⁠⁠

Why do you keep checking if they watched your story, waiting for your ex to text, or feeling bored the moment someone is actually good to you? In this science-heavy episode, Sabrina breaks down the neuroscience of attachment and repeating relationship patterns: why your brain gets hooked on hot and cold people like a slot machine, why healthy relationships can feel boring, why you can’t get over your ex, and why you self-sabotage the moment you get what you wanted.

It’s pub day for Why Am I Like This?, and Sabrina’s mom Helly joins the show to talk honestly about Sabrina’s old dating patterns: texting nonstop, chasing emotionally unavailable men, people pleasing, and losing herself trying to make someone love her. Helly shares the advice she gave Sabrina for years, like “be careful what you wish for” and “you have to love yourself more than you need to be loved,” and explains why choosing yourself is where real change starts.

Why do I keep choosing the wrong people? Why can't I let go of someone who won't choose me? If you're stuck asking "why," this episode is for you. Sabrina breaks down why self-awareness alone won't heal anxious attachment, how childhood patterns follow you into dating and relationships, and what Mary Ainsworth's Strange Situation study shows about anxious and avoidant attachment: avoidants feel the panic too, they just hide it.

Why does healing feel so hard, and why doesn't "regulating your nervous system" fix it? Nervous system expert Masha Kay returns to break down what the internet gets wrong about nervous system regulation, why regulation has become the new perfectionism, and what capacity really means in dating and relationships. We talk about why someone can love you and still not meet your needs, how to handle being triggered by a text, why "if he wanted to, he would" is bad advice, and what's actually going on when an avoidant partner shuts down.