Show Notes
Sober Dave quit drinking after 40 years and discovered that stopping was the easy part - the real work was figuring out who he was without it. In this conversation with Sarah, he and Sarah unpack the identity void that follows sobriety, why moderation almost never works, how to grieve the "relationship" you had with alcohol, and what to say to a partner who won't admit their drinking is a problem.
What We Cover: Why the hardest part of quitting drinking isn't the quitting, it's figuring out who you are afterward
The toxic relationship pattern that explains why alcohol feels like your best friend and worst enemy at the same time
Why moderation almost never works, and the day-by-day bargaining cycle that keeps you stuck trying
The non-negotiable rule that shuts down the voice in your head that talks you into "just one"
Why old triggers and cravings can still catch you off guard years into sobriety
How to process grief and loss without reaching for alcohol
Why you don't need to hit rock bottom or call yourself an alcoholic to decide you've outgrown drinking
Sober Dave is a UK-based sobriety coach and the voice behind the brand Sober Dave, after spending 40 years drinking before quitting alcohol for good in January 2019. He now works with people navigating the emotional side of sobriety, drawing on internal family systems and attachment theory, and hosts his own podcast, One For The Road, where he shares ongoing conversations about life beyond alcohol.
Website: https://soberdave.co.uk/ Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/soberdave/
Timestamps Introduction: What Comes After You Stop Drinking (00:00) Dave's Story: 40 Years Of Drinking And The Year It All Fell Apart (01:05) The Pink Cloud And The Slump That Follows It (04:47) Why Sobriety Feels Like Grieving A Relationship (09:00) Why Old Triggers Still Catch You Years Later (15:44) Why You Can't Just Moderate (18:08) The Non-Negotiable Rule That Ends The Bargaining (22:40) Understanding Your Attachment Style And Why You Drank (26:00) What To Say When Your Husband Won't Admit He Has A Problem (36:25) When Sobriety Costs You Your Marriage (40:31) Why Women Feel Guilty Taking Time For Themselves (43:59) Practical Sobriety vs Emotional Sobriety (48:55) Grieving A Death Without Alcohol (52:39) Self-Worth, Shame, And Looking In The Mirror Again (01:00:46) How To Know If You've Truly Outgrown Alcohol (01:05:00) Who Dave Is Now, Beyond "Sober Dave" (01:09:39)
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Sarah Rusbatch is an accredited Health and Wellbeing Coach and one of Australia's leading experts on grey area drinking. Her podcast, Stronger, Bolder, Wiser, is the go-to space for women who are questioning their relationship with alcohol, navigating life alcohol-free, or simply curious about what life could look like on the other side of the bottle.
If this episode resonated with you, please share it with someone who needs to hear it. And if you haven't already, subscribe so you never miss an episode, and leave a review to help more women find this community.
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Struggling to know what to do when stress, boredom or big emotions hit? Download my free guide "100 Things to Do Instead of Drinking", a toolkit for sitting with those feelings instead of reaching for a glass of wine. Get your free guide → https://sarahrusbatch.com/free-guide-100-things-to-do-instead-of-drinking
Find out more about my other programs here: https://sarahrusbatch.com/
If you want to join a space where women feel safe to be seen, ask the questions they don't always say out loud and connect with others going through the same, join my free Facebook group, Women's Wellbeing Collective here: https://www.facebook.com/groups/342319476897067
And if changing your relationship with alcohol is something you want to explore further, you can find my book Beyond Booze on Audible, Spotify, Kindle and Amazon. Click the link here: https://sarahrusbatch.com/beyond-booze
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Taking 30 days off alcohol in midlife rarely feels the way social media promises. Boredom, flatness and broken sleep often come first, and none of it means you're doing it wrong.In this video I share the five most unexpected things women discover in their first 30 days without wine, from the 5 to 7pm boredom to the friend who suddenly goes quiet. I explain why your brain can feel flat once alcohol stops lighting up your dopamine reward centre, and why sedation is not the same as restorative sleep. Most importantly, I explain why all of it settles.Key Topics Covered- Why boredom hits hardest between 5 and 7pm when you stop drinking, and why taking alcohol out means adding something in, like an evening walk, a class or a hobby.- Feeling flat after quitting alcohol: how years of drinking dysregulate your dopamine receptors, and why it evens out with time.- What to do when friends get weird about you not drinking, and why talking to your closest friends first helps.- Why sleep without alcohol can get worse before it gets better, and how to ride the emotional rollercoaster of the early weeks.Timestamps What Happens When You Stop Drinking For 30 Days (00:00) Thing 1: Boredom Between 5 And 7pm (00:40) Thing 2: Feeling Flat After You Stop Drinking (02:01) Thing 3: When Friends Get Weird About You Not Drinking (02:44) Thing 4: Why Sleep Gets Worse Before It Gets Better (03:37) Thing 5: Feeling Emotional Over Nothing (04:40) Free Support To Change Your Drinking (05:20)Also Watch My Previous Episodes:- Seven Signs You Are a Grey Area Drinker- Six Reasons Successful Women Are Quietly Quitting Alcohol- Three Reasons Women Cannot Metabolise Alcohol as Effectively as Men***Struggling to know what to do when stress, boredom or big emotions hit?Download my free guide "100 Things to Do Instead of Drinking", a toolkit for sitting with those feelings instead of reaching for a glass of wine.Get your free guide → https://bit.ly/4qOiGUw***Sarah Rusbatch is an accredited Health and Wellbeing Coach and one of Australia's leading experts on grey area drinking. Her podcast, Stronger, Bolder, Wiser, is the go-to space for women who are questioning their relationship with alcohol, navigating life alcohol-free, or simply curious about what life could look like on the other side of the bottle. If this episode resonated with you, please share it with someone who needs to hear it. And if you haven't already, subscribe so you never miss an episode, and leave a review to help more women find this community.Find out more about my other programs here: https://sarahrusbatch.com/If you want to join a space where women feel safe to be seen, ask the questions they don't always say out loud and connect with others going through the same, join my free Facebook group, Women's Wellbeing Collective here: https://www.facebook.com/groups/342319476897067And if changing your relationship with alcohol is something you want to explore further, you can find my book Beyond Booze on Audible, Spotify, Kindle and Amazon. Click the link here: https://sarahrusbatch.com/beyond-booze
Nobody walks into a marriage planning to leave it, yet so many midlife women are quietly asking whether to stay or go. Your body often knows the answer first.