Show Notes
Stephanie Kerns was a teacher before she was an autism mom, and the only autism she had seen up close was in boys. So when her daughter started putting sponges in her mouth and echoing every question back in the exact tone it was asked, the first read was a speech delay.
Her daughter is 14 now, verbal, and diagnosed Level 1, the level everybody hears as easy. Stephanie talks about the hour-long meltdowns before school, the routine that starts at five every morning, and three straight weeks of spirit week that took nightly planning to survive. She talks about the stutter that showed up out of nowhere at 13, and the win when it stopped. And she talks about a creative, funny kid who writes songs with her dad, acts in the school drama program, and does accents her mom can't.
Then there is the part aimed at the rest of us. To the outside world, Stephanie says, autism families can feel like a secret society. Nobody sees the therapy, the paraprofessional, the hunt for friends, the phasing in and phasing out. Inside the community, her message is about finding your people, and what happens to the parents who never do.
And if anyone tells you their kid doesn't look autistic, she has an answer for that. Hang out with her for a day.
Level one does not mean easy. It never has.
CHAPTERS 00:00 Welcome to Seen and Heard 00:25 Meet Stephanie, a teacher before she was an autism mom 01:44 Sponges, echolalia, and hour-long meltdowns 02:53 The IEP at three, and the level that came years later 04:14 Five a.m., routine, and three weeks of spirit week 06:03 Rob on uniforms, and why level one does not mean easy 07:27 The win: a stutter at 13, and phasing out of speech 08:55 Who she is: creative, a writer, a memorizer, an actor 10:03 She doesn't look autistic. Hang out with her for a day 10:57 Rob on his oldest son's regression 12:15 What she wishes the outside world understood 13:41 Does the world see and hear her family 14:29 Finding your people 16:04 Both sides of the IEP table 16:38 Rob on 30 pairs of shoes, and staying curious 19:30 The book, and where to find everything
SPONSOR #ad This episode is presented by Mightier.
Thanks to Mightier for presenting this episode. Mightier is a biofeedback video game program developed and tested at Boston Children's Hospital. Your kid wears a heart rate monitor and plays games that get harder when they get dysregulated and easier when they calm down. So instead of being told to take a deep breath in the middle of a meltdown, they practice regulation in their own body, at a moment when they can actually feel it working.
It is one of the very few things I have stood behind for years, because it helped my own kids connect the dots when nothing else did.
Visit https://www.mightier.com and use code theautismdad22 for 10% off.
ABOUT SEEN AND HEARD Seen and Heard is a short series from The Autism Dad Podcast. Real families get about fifteen minutes to describe their actual lives, in their own words, without anyone smoothing it out for them.
MY BOOK So Your Child Was Just Diagnosed with Autism: Real Talk, Support, and Next Steps from a Dad Who's Been There is out December 29, 2026 from Fair Winds Press. If your child has just been diagnosed with autism, this is your compassionate first step guide from someone who has lived it.
MORE FROM ME Everything I do lives here: https://theautismdad.com/?utm_source=youtube&utm_medium=social&utm_campaign=ep-s9e19-stephanie-kerns&utm_content=text-post
Listen to the podcast on Apple, Spotify, or wherever you get your shows.
QUESTIONS FOR YOU What do people get wrong about your kid because of how they look? If your child is diagnosed Level 1, what is the part nobody outside your house sees? When did you finally find your people, and what took so long?
More from The Autism Dad
This episode is presented by Mightier.
This episode is presented by Mightier.
This episode is sponsored by PESI. Nicole Carbone's son Luca is almost four, nonspeaking, and diagnosed with Level 2 autism. When he can't tell her what he needs, he bangs his head on whatever is closest. His pain tolerance is high enough that the thing strangers always say, that he'll stop before he really hurts himself, is just not true. In this Seen and Heard conversation, Nicole talks about the communication barrier underneath the self injury, the AAC device she hopes will ease it, and what it was like to separate her twins into different preschools so Luca could get what he needed. She also talks about the best 40 seconds of her life so far, the day he looked right at her and said "hi mommy" for the first time, and she got it on video. Then there's the part aimed at the rest of us. A stranger at the park watched Luca hum and asked her if he ever shuts that motor off. And inside the autism community, Nicole says the hardest thing about a Level 2 diagnosis is not the diagnosis. It's the comparing. Her advice is blunt and it applies to every level: don't compare your kid to any other kid. Nicole is the founder and president of The NEST Project, a nonprofit serving families in Pennsylvania and Ohio that buys what insurance won't cover for kids with special needs. Find them at nestcares.org. SPONSORThis episode is sponsored by PESI. Their 2026 Kids and Teens Autism Symposium runs November 18 and 19, online, and it is neuro-affirming the whole way through. There is a full session on demand avoidance, for every kid who got called defiant when it was really their nervous system, and another on kids who mask so well they get treated for anxiety instead of what is actually going on. Two hundred dollars for both days, up to 18 CE hours, and a 30 day replay if you cannot be there live. Built for clinicians, and parents can register too. pesi.com/theautismdad Rob's book, So Your Child Was Just Diagnosed with Autism, comes out December 29, 2026. Preorder at theautismdad.com/book.
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