How to Protect Your Kids From Predators & Grooming: A Survivor's Guide for Parents with Mandi Pagliarini | #185
Healthy As A MotherShow Notes
How do you talk to your kids about body safety without scaring them? And how do you actually keep them safe? In this episode, we're joined by Mandi Pagliarini (@MandiTalksPredators), a writer, speaker, educator, and mother of two. Mandi is a survivor of sexual assault and child trafficking, and her advocacy focuses on prevention and harm reduction. She gives parents survivor-informed education about grooming and how predators operate.
Mandi explains why body safety should be an ongoing series of small conversations, like the way you teach manners, instead of one big talk. She also covers why the words you choose matter: say "share" instead of "tell," and leave out "hurt" and "abuse." She shares her "even if" statements, which let kids know they can come to you no matter who is involved or how the experience felt. We also talk about why boys may be more at risk than we realize, why teaching kids to "say no and fight back" often fails because of the freeze response, and what to teach them instead.
We also get into how grooming really works. Predators often groom the parents as well as the child, and they play a long game. Mandi walks through red flags to watch for, like an adult seeking time alone with your child or your child suddenly talking about one adult all the time. She shares practical steps for reducing risk, including open-door playdates, never leaving a child alone with an adult, and avoiding sleepovers. She also talks about how to stay body-positive with little ones without creating shame.
Mandi also shares parts of her own story, and why emotional regulation is the foundation that makes kids feel safe enough to come to you.
00:00 Trailer & Intro 02:00 Welcome Mandi Pagliarini 04:29 Why Body Safety Matters Today 06:30 Why Boys May Be More at Risk 09:17 Who Abusers Really Are 10:00 Small Talks, Not "The Big Talk" 11:30 Playdate Reminders 12:14 Risk Mitigation for Playdates 15:55 Say "Share," Not "Tell" 17:48 Don't Talk About Consequences 20:42 Using "Even If" Statements 23:25 Drop the Words "Hurt" and "Abuse" 25:44 How Grooming Escalates 27:45 How Predators Groom Parents and Kids 29:50 Red Flag: Seeking Alone Time 31:47 Signs Your Child Is Being Groomed 33:14 My Track Coach Story 37:00 Body Positivity With Little Kids 40:38 Keeping Sex Private Without Shame 43:44 What Age to Start the Conversation 48:30 How Much Information Is Enough 51:04 Sleepovers, Babysitters and Supervision 54:43 Mandi's Story 57:52 Why "Say No" Doesn't Work 61:12 Teach Kids to Fake an Excuse 61:50 The Freeze Response and Shame 64:44 The Gift of Fear and Intuition 67:26 Why Grooming Is So Confusing 71:07 "I Didn't Know There Was Anything to Tell" 72:40 Books and Resources 75:29 Key Takeaways Recap 78:37 Why Parents' Emotional Regulation Matters 80:26 Wrap Up
Resources From This Episode: Mandi's Free Body Safety Guides for young kids - https://still-river-23314.myflodesk.com/freeguidetoprotectyourchildren Mandi's Free Body Safety Guides for Teens - https://still-river-23314.myflodesk.com/freeguideforparents?fbclid=PAZXh0bgNhZW0CMTEAAabT2PVIe_Nq31TE1eMdOVtJ44GKI-COxfMMPIowXJp6-ewevDMmcCNrYLE_aem_LOcKJP_DXi-IkYka2FHLMA Check out Mandi's website - https://www.mandiptalkspredators.com/ Follow Mandi on Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/mandiptalkspredators/ The Gift of Fear by Gavin de Becker - https://a.co/d/0bM0XMT0 Good Pictures Bad Pictures by Kristen A. Jenson - https://a.co/d/05MOHhMJ The Place We Find Ourselves podcast -https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eaSvh-rUtyY
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