Show Notes
Cole Zesiger is a breakup and relationship coach, author, and content creator who specializes in helping people navigate heartbreak, healing, and healthy relationships. After experiencing a divorce at 23 and another difficult breakup soon after, Cole began openly sharing his journey online, eventually growing an audience of more than 750,000 followers across Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, and other platforms.
Through his coaching programs, online community, and content, he has helped over 2,000 people work through breakups, strengthen their self-worth, improve communication, and build healthier relationships. His practical approach blends psychology, attachment theory, faith, and real-world experience to help people either reconcile in healthier ways or move forward with peace and confidence.
Cole grew up in Utah and served as a missionary in the Manila Philippines Mission. He married his wife, Jocelyn, in 2023, and together they are raising their daughter, Daisy. When he’s not coaching or creating content, Cole enjoys playing guitar, dirt biking, wildlife photography, and exploring the mountains. His debut book, Ex’s and No’s: The Breakup Advice You Don’t Want to Hear, offers a roadmap for rebuilding confidence, healing attachment wounds, and creating lasting love.
Links Ex's and No's: The Breakup Advice You Don't Want to Hear CoachColeZesiger.com Watch the video and share your thoughts in the Zion Lab community Transcript available with the video in the Zion Lab community Highlights Cole Zesiger discusses navigating early divorce and breakups within the Young Single Adult (YSA) community of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. The conversation focuses on dismantling the spiritual stigma surrounding failed marriages and provides actionable methods for processing relationship trauma.
00:02:06 - Cole's Journey Through Divorce 00:05:08 - The Reality of Early Marriage Challenges 00:07:56 - Understanding Attachment Styles 00:10:41 - The Impact of Divorce on Self-Perception 00:12:27 - The Aftermath of Divorce 00:14:06 - Reflecting on Past Relationships 00:17:14 - The Importance of Community Support 00:20:27 - Addressing the YSA Experience with Divorce 00:22:09 - Normalizing Divorce in Church Culture 00:24:34 - Understanding God's Role in Relationships 00:27:10 - Creating Depth in Relationships 00:30:02 - The Importance of Service in Marriage 00:32:11 - Supporting Those Experiencing Divorce 00:35:37 - Best Practices for YSA Leaders 00:39:30 - Building a Present Worth Living In Key Insights
The Perfection Stigma: Many young Latter-day Saints internalize a strict cultural path (e.g., mission, temple marriage) as a guarantee of success, leading to intense shame, identity crises, and a sense of absolute personal failure if a marriage ends in divorce. Anxious Attachment and Relationship Mechanics: Childhood and mission environments can inadvertently cultivate anxious attachment styles, causing individuals to compulsively try to "will a relationship into existence" or over-sacrifice personal needs rather than assessing core value compatibility. God’s Will and Adversity: Divine promptings to marry do not mean God guaranteed a problem-free relationship; rather, adversity and divorce can be part of a broader spiritual landscape designed to build critical emotional skills and resilience. The Physiology of Heartbreak: Neurologically, overcoming a major breakup mimics chemical detox patterns seen in severe substance withdrawals, highlighting that the profound grief experienced by individuals is an intense physiological reality that requires intentional time to navigate. Active Relationship Maintenance: Sustainable long-term intimacy requires entering the "deep end" of a relationship by prioritizing consistent service actions strictly to maintain one’s own love for their partner rather than doing so out of a codependent need for constant reciprocation.
Leadership Applications
Initiate Purposeful Social Inclusion: Leaders sh
More from Leading Saints Podcast
James Fletcher is the founder and chief investment officer of Ethos Investment Management, and has been investing professionally in emerging markets for 20 years. He is also the founder of the global non-profit Young Investors Society, which provides lessons to teens on investing and financial literacy in over 3,000 high schools and 80 countries around the world. James has a bachelor’s degree in Finance from Brigham Young University and also teaches as a BYU adjunct professor in Finance. He has lived in a variety of places, from Boston to Brazil and Los Angeles to Hong Kong, and currently lives in Springville, Utah, with his wife and five children, where he serves as a bishop in the Hobble Creek Springville Utah Stake.
Brigham Young University professor and religious folklorist Christopher Blythe discusses the nature of revelation, spiritual manifestations, and claims to mysticism within Latter-day Saint history and culture. The conversation examines how members and leaders can evaluate personal spiritual experiences, navigate claims of revelation that exceed proper authority, and guard against deceptive influences or speculative practices.
Shawn Vanderhoven is the author of the USA Today bestseller Pause: How to Lead Brilliant Work in a Busy World and a Partner at The Wiseman Group, where he leads the executive development practice for senior leaders and rising talent. A collaborator on the New York Times bestseller Multipliers: How the Best Leaders Make Everyone Smarter (Second Edition), Shawn co-designs strategies that help organizations amplify their people, advising leaders at companies like Amazon, Alphabet, Adobe, Microsoft, and Salesforce. He holds a BS in History from Brigham Young University and lives in the San Francisco Bay Area with his wife, Anne, dedicated to helping leaders create the conditions where teams can focus on what matters most.
Davis Smith is the founder, chairman, and emeritus CEO of Cotopaxi, a Salt Lake City–based outdoor gear brand dedicated to poverty alleviation. Raised throughout Latin America, he developed a lifelong commitment to social impact after witnessing economic inequality firsthand. A serial e-commerce entrepreneur, Davis founded several successful ventures, including Brazil’s 2012 “Startup of the Year,” before building Cotopaxi into a global brand that has assisted millions living in poverty. He has served as a Presidential Leadership Scholar and a member of the United Nations Foundation’s Global Leadership Council.
Dave McCann is a veteran sportscaster, play-by-play announcer, and television anchor with decades of broadcasting experience across regional and national media. After graduating from Brigham Young University with a degree in broadcasting, he began his career as a college sports reporter for ABC’s Good Morning America before anchoring sports in Las Vegas for nearly 20 years. He later served as an evening news co-anchor for KSL-TV in Salt Lake City and became a prominent media personality for BYUtv, hosting pre- and post-game shows alongside lead play-by-play coverage for BYU football and basketball. McCann also writes sports commentary for the Deseret News and co-hosts the digital BYU sports talk show Y’s Guys. He currently serves as an elders quorum president.