Show Notes
Most co-parenting advice assumes both parents care about the same things. But if you are dealing with a narcissistic or high-conflict co-parent, that is not what is happening. In this episode of The Breakdown, I explain why you are stuck, why nothing seems to work, and the six mistakes that are keeping you trapped in the cycle. We cover: Trying to make their behavior make sense Believing the right words will change them Expecting them to care about parenting the way you do Why “performance parenting” happens during court Why things often change after custody is finalized Why they escalate when challenged Why nobody else seems to see what you see This episode introduces the idea of “counter parenting”—when your ex is not trying to co-parent at all, but instead is using parenting as a way to maintain control, protect their image, and keep you reacting. Once you understand that, everything changes. Follow, rate, and share if this episode helped you. And send me a message: which mistake hit you the hardest?
More from Unfuck Your Coparenting
Part two of our conversation with family law mediator and mediation prep coach Corey Woods, breaking down myths 6 through 10 about family court.
Family court is not where you go to get justice, and the sooner you accept that, the better you can actually play the game.
Cameron Normand built Stepfamily Solutions after becoming a stepmom of four in a high-conflict situation with zero blueprint to follow. She left a 23-year career in law and politics to fix that gap, and now she's one of the few voices in this space who gets that stepfamily fallout isn't just "blended family awkwardness." In this episode, we flip the conversation from the one we just had on her show. Instead of talking about how high-conflict coparenting hits the couple relationship, we go deeper into the partner who has no legal standing, no decision-making power, and still absorbs all the emotional weight of somebody else's war. We get into why she chose coaching over practicing law, how the BIFF method changes when the person using it has zero legal leverage, and when someone actually needs a stepmom coach versus someone in the thick of active legal conflict. Cameron is also running the Stepmom Summit this year, "Out Loud," September 14-18, completely free and virtual with over 30 stepfamily experts. If you've been quietly white-knuckling your way through blended family life, that's your sign to grab a free ticket.
You got out. You left the relationship, you survived the divorce, you're doing the work. So why does something still feel off? You still check in with everyone else before you check in with yourself. You feel guilty when you set a boundary. You spiral when an email comes in from your ex -- even when you know exactly what they're doing. That's not a co-parenting problem. That's an identity problem. And it started way before your ex. Today I'm sitting down with Audra Phelps -- certified neuroscience-based coach, hypnotherapist, and creator of the Reclaimed program. She spent 35 years inside the Mormon Church and has spent the years since figuring out not just how to leave, but how to build what comes next. In this episode we get into: Why high-demand religion and high-conflict relationships run the same control playbook (the BITE model maps almost perfectly) What it actually looks like when your identity was built by a system instead of by you How to identify the beliefs that are still running your behavior even after you've left What it means to move through anger without skipping steps -- and why toxic positivity isn't the answer How to start trusting yourself as a parent when you were taught not to trust yourself at all If you've ever gotten out of a toxic situation and still felt like something was wrong with you -- like you're still reacting, still shrinking, still not sure what you actually want -- this one is for you. Find Audra at mamaaudra.com, including her free masterclass: The Five Shifts That Every Former Mormon Mom Needs to Make, and her eight-week Reclaimed program. Audra is also offering podcast listeners 50% off their first individual coaching session. Learn about one-on-one coaching at https://mamaaudra.com/oneonone and book a free consult to see if it's a fit (mention PODCAST on the call for the discount). This is open to any woman navigating a faith transition after leaving a high control organization, not just Mormons. --- Ready to stop reacting and start responding strategically? Book an intro call to see if coaching is right for you: https://unfuckyourcoparenting.com/book Have a question you want answered on air? Head to unfuckyourcoparenting.com and click Join the Conversation. Find me everywhere: Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, and the podcast at Unfuck Your Co-Parenting. As always -- we are all in this together.
Everyone tells you to document everything. But nobody tells you what to do when you've got 600 screenshots, 42 emails, and a notes app folder called "court stuff" that's slowly driving you insane.