Ep. 50 | The Disappointment We Don't Talk About In Parenting
Brain First Parenting with Eileen DevineShow Notes
SUMMARY- Expectations are an unavoidable part of parenting, but when we’re raising a child with brain-based differences, expectations rooted in neurotypical norms can create a painful gap between what we think our child should be able to do and what they actually have the capacity to do. In this episode, I draw from Brené Brown’s Rising Strong and her exploration of disappointment, expectations, and resentment. Through a Brain First lens, we’ll consider where our expectations come from, how they influence the way we interpret our child’s behavior, and how adjusting expectations can help protect our relationship with our child without giving up on our hopes for them.
TAKEAWAYS: Disappointment often begins with the gap between what we expected to happen and what actually happened. Many of our expectations for children are unconsciously shaped by neurotypical developmental norms and ideas about what kids “should” be able to do at a certain age. When we believe our child should be capable of something, their inability to meet that expectation can easily be misinterpreted as refusal, defiance, lack of effort, or another behavioral problem. A Brain First approach asks us to consider whether an expectation is based on our individual child’s actual skills, nervous system, and capacity rather than their chronological age. Adjusting an expectation doesn’t necessarily mean giving up the goal; sometimes the timeline, level of support, or path toward that goal simply needs to change. Parents can acknowledge their own disappointment and grief while still deeply accepting and supporting the child in front of them.
RESOURCES: Brené Brown, Rising Strong The Resilience Room Membership Community Episode 22: The Unique Grief Affecting Parents of Neurodivergent Kids Episode 19: Rethinking What It Means to Be Resilient
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