Ep. 48 | Addressing School-Based Anxiety with Dr. Emily King
Brain First Parenting with Eileen DevineShow Notes
SUMMARY - In this episode, Dr. Emily King joins me to discuss her new book, The Neurodivergent Learner, with a special focus on school anxiety—for both neurodivergent children and their parents. We explore the behaviors that can signal anxiety, including the ones that are hard to miss and those that are much easier to overlook, and why behavior is often a sign that a child needs more support. We also talk about the very real anxiety parents experience when school is a source of ongoing stress, and how shifting expectations to reflect a child's unique developmental trajectory can help both children and parents.
TAKEAWAYS: Looking at a child through the lens of neurodiversity means beginning with the understanding that the child is not the problem. School anxiety can show up in behaviors that are “hard to miss” as well as behaviors that are “easy to miss.” Children who appear to be doing well at school aren't necessarily doing well. People-pleasing, perfectionism, and holding it together can all be ways a child manages significant anxiety. School-related anxiety can begin long before a child enters the classroom and can be connected to leaving home, transitions, the sensory environment, expectations, and the many demands of the school day. Instead of viewing difficult behavior as the problem to solve, we can see it as information—a sign that the child may need more support. Parents can experience significant anxiety alongside their child: waiting for the call from school, wondering how the day is going, or even waiting for the other shoe to drop when things seem to be going well. Parents need support that matches the intensity of their child's needs. Supporting the child without attending to the parent's experience leaves out an important part of the picture. Chronological age isn't always a useful guide for expectations. Understanding a child's unique developmental trajectory helps parents and educators check assumptions and adjust expectations accordingly.
RESOUCES:
The Neurodivergent Learner — Dr. Emily King Written for both parents and educators, Dr. King's book helps adults better understand neurodivergent learners and gives parents tools for communicating more effectively with their child's teachers. Chapter 8 focuses specifically on school anxiety and the experiences of both children and their parents.
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