Fresh Take: Dr. Özgür Bolat on the Real Science of Motivating Kids
What Fresh Hell: Parenting, Relationships, and Making Life Better, with Two Funny MomsShow Notes
We think of rewarding kids as a surefire way to get the behavior we want. But what if rewards mainly serve to underline our children's intrinsic drive to succeed? Dr. Özgür Bolat, education scientist and author of The Reward Trap: Why Rewards Backfire and the Real Science for Motivating Kids, explains why rewarding kids may actually undermine their motivation in the long run.
As Dr. Bolat explains, there's a difference between motivation and compliance. Rewards can get children to do something, but they don't necessarily create the ownership, engagement, or intrinsic motivation parents actually want.
In this episode, we discuss:
How rewards can change the way children view an activity
Hedonic adaptation and why rewards often need to get bigger to have the same effect
The connection between rewards, praise, and controlling parenting
How autonomy-enhancing parenting differs from control
Why family chores can help children develop a sense of responsibility and prosocial values
Mastery orientation vs. performance orientation, and how each affects children's anxiety and motivation
Why focusing too heavily on grades, competition, and achievement can create performance anxiety
How parents can encourage curiosity and help kids find motivation even in subjects they don't initially enjoy
The role of flow in learning and why children become deeply engaged when a task matches their skill level
Why differentiated learning matters—and what happens when work is too easy or too difficult
How rewards and competition in school can contribute to learned helplessness
Why understanding big concepts can actually help children remember facts and information
Dr. Bolat's PEACE model for building connection with children
How getting curious about the reason behind a child's behavior can reveal what they actually need
Why a homework problem may be a symptom of a much bigger issue around fear, judgment, or connection
Here's where you can find Dr. Bolat:
@dr.ozgurbolat on IG
https://ozgurbolat.substack.com/
Buy THE REWARD TRAP: https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9798893961805
What Fresh Hell is co-hosted by Amy Wilson and Margaret Ables.
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