Show Notes
Lotte Jeffs and Stu Oakley, hosts of Some Families podcast, join me on Teenage Kicks in this episode to talk about how we approach our teenagers about gender and sexuality. Stu says here that it's completely normal for parents to find this difficult - it's a very easy conversation, where I make lots of mistakes and am not made to feel bad about it, so it's perfect for parents who don't know how to approach the subject with their teenagers.
* 6:00 - Fighting our homophobic upbringings as middle aged parents * 7:00 - The acceptability of 'queer', and the language we need to know * 21:55 - How queer identities are labelled by sex, and the need to teach kids about love and relationships beyond sex * 25:10 - Working out who you are as a teenager * 31:50 - How to talk to teenagers about gender and sexuality * 35:15 - What to say when your child tells you about their sexuality * 40:30 - How to make sure your child is an ally to their queeer friends * 50:00 - What you'll get out of reading The Queer Parent
Who are Lotte and Stu?
Lotte Jeffs and Stu Oakley run the podcast Some Families, is a podcast dedicated to celebrating LGBTQ+ families. Lotte is an award-winning magazine writer, editor, author and podcaster, and a contributing editor for Grazia. Stu is a film publicist; he's written a number of opinion pieces for the Guardian, Grazia, ELLE and NetMums about his own parenting journey and the experiences of being part of a queer family.
Their recent book, The Queer Parent is the essential handbook for the LGTBQ+ community, their friends, family and allies. This informative, funny and empowering book is a must read for anyone who wants to understand and support the full breadth of the queer experience.
Useful links:
* Buy your copy of The Queer Parent [https://amzn.to/3t7T62Y] (affiliate link) * Surviving domestic abuse as a teenager [https://podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/natasha-hirst-on-surviving-domestic-abuse-as-a-teenager/id1501488455?i=1000473835396] * Out with Suzi Ruffell [https://open.spotify.com/show/59CAdP9j40RvHe5pqf0f0C] podcast * Lotte's book My Magic Family [https://amzn.to/48GWX7F] for young children (affiliate link) * Anna Mathur on Instagram [https://www.instagram.com/annamathur/] * From Gay to Ze on Instagram [https://www.instagram.com/fromgaytoze/]
More teenage parenting from Helen Wills:
Helen wills is a teen mental health podcaster and blogger at Actually Mummy [https://www.actuallymummy.co.uk/], a resource for midlife parents of teens. Thank you for listening! Subscribe [https://podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/teenage-kicks-podcast/id1501488455] to the Teenage Kicks podcast to hear new episodes. If you have a suggestion for the podcast or want to hear more on parenting teenagers contact me on Instagram [https://www.instagram.com/iamhelenwills/] and Twitter [https://twitter.com/iamhelenwills] @iamhelenwills.
For information on your data privacy please visit Z [https://www.podcast.co/privacy]encastr.
Please note that Helen Wills is not a medical expert, and nothing in the podcast should be taken as medical advice. If you're worried about yourself or a teenager, please seek support from a medical professional.
Podcast produced by James Ede at Be Heard [https://www.beheard.org.uk/] production.
More from Teenage Kicks Podcast
Owen Wood suffered from anxiety as a young teenager. He tells me how he coped, what his parents did to support him, and what helped him at school during those years. We talk about how travelling on a budget during Race Across The World taught him to have faith in himself, and how he copes with the nerves of travelling alone now.
Evan Transue started suffering with panic attacks at the age of 5. He had no family history of trauma, and due to his seemingly great life, his panic attacks went misdiagnosed for over 10 years. During this time, he developed other mental health conditions, and eventually turned to substances to numb the pain. Eventually he was diagnosed with panic disorder, and had an aha moment that changed his life.
Parents often worry about the teenage years. The term 'threenager' is frequently used to describe the toddler tantrums that leave parents tearing their hair out. I used it myself, with an eyeroll and a wry smile, but now that I've been through the teenage years I'm apologetic about that. I think it's patronising, and it doesn't help our relationships with our teens.
Today's guest is content creator and copywriter Tom Pinks, who is The number of teenagers saying they don't drink alcohol is 39% [https://www.thegrocer.co.uk/news/huge-rise-in-low-and-no-alcohol-consumption-among-young-adults-yougov-poll-shows/686689.article#:~:text=Nearly%20four%20in%2010%20(39,from%20drinking%20alcohol%20at%20all.].
My guest today has written a book about how much we underestimate teenage girls, and why we'd do well as parents to listen more to what they have to say. Chelsey Goodan has interviewed dozens of teenage girls about what's going on in their lives, and what they need from adults in order to thrive. We talk about perfectionism and self-esteem, shame around sexuality, and the best way to get teenagers to develop a healthy relationship with their phones and social media – spoiler alert, it doesn't involve banning apps and confiscating their phones.