Show Notes
It's 2am, you've checked their Instagram three times, and your body still aches for the person you know wasn't right. In this episode, Sabrina unpacks the anxious attachment breakup: why anxiously attached people chase, ruminate, and spiral after a relationship ends, what new research reveals about the nervous system pull toward an ex, and the one move keeping most anxious people stuck in the loop.
This is part one of a four-part breakup series covering anxious, avoidant, disorganized, and secure attachment styles. Expect honest talk on post-breakup rumination, no contact, withdrawal symptoms, self-abandonment, and how to stop chasing emotionally unavailable partners, plus a 30-second reframe to interrupt the spiral the next time your brain starts to loop.
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Chapters:
00:00 - The 2am anxious breakup spiral
04:54 - Why you feel withdrawal from your ex
07:08 - Rumination and the pull toward your ex
11:43 - Both sides of an anxious breakup
15:48 - Why your 2am thoughts feel true
17:21 - Self punishment after a breakup
20:23 - How to actually get over a breakup
24:45 - Why anxious people grow most
27:47 - Tool of the week: the reframe swap
31:12 - Grief vs self punishment
Disclaimer: The Sabrina Zohar Show, formerly known as Do The Work, is not affiliated with A.Z & associates LLC in any capacity. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
More from The Sabrina Zohar Show
Why do you keep checking if they watched your story, waiting for your ex to text, or feeling bored the moment someone is actually good to you? In this science-heavy episode, Sabrina breaks down the neuroscience of attachment and repeating relationship patterns: why your brain gets hooked on hot and cold people like a slot machine, why healthy relationships can feel boring, why you can’t get over your ex, and why you self-sabotage the moment you get what you wanted.
It’s pub day for Why Am I Like This?, and Sabrina’s mom Helly joins the show to talk honestly about Sabrina’s old dating patterns: texting nonstop, chasing emotionally unavailable men, people pleasing, and losing herself trying to make someone love her. Helly shares the advice she gave Sabrina for years, like “be careful what you wish for” and “you have to love yourself more than you need to be loved,” and explains why choosing yourself is where real change starts.
Why do I keep choosing the wrong people? Why can't I let go of someone who won't choose me? If you're stuck asking "why," this episode is for you. Sabrina breaks down why self-awareness alone won't heal anxious attachment, how childhood patterns follow you into dating and relationships, and what Mary Ainsworth's Strange Situation study shows about anxious and avoidant attachment: avoidants feel the panic too, they just hide it.
Why does healing feel so hard, and why doesn't "regulating your nervous system" fix it? Nervous system expert Masha Kay returns to break down what the internet gets wrong about nervous system regulation, why regulation has become the new perfectionism, and what capacity really means in dating and relationships. We talk about why someone can love you and still not meet your needs, how to handle being triggered by a text, why "if he wanted to, he would" is bad advice, and what's actually going on when an avoidant partner shuts down.
How do you get over a breakup without making it mean something is wrong with you? In the final episode of the Things To Do and Not To Do series, Sabrina breaks down what to do and what not to do during and after a breakup, from why no contact matters (and why it shouldn't be used to make your ex miss you) to how to handle the urge to text your ex, stop ruminating, and accept that closure is a decision you make, even when you never get the conversation. She also covers processing anger and grief, moving on from someone who broke up with you months ago, staying civil with an ex you work with or co-parent with, and seeing your ex on dating apps.