Ultra-Processed Foods: Are They Actually Killing Us? (Because I Eat Them Constantly)

This week on Field Notes, we enter the land of: Ultra-Processed Food.

According to certain very serious doctors on the internet, UPFs are now:

“The leading cause of early death on planet earth. Ahead of tobacco.”

Cool.

Not dramatic at all.

So naturally, I’ve decided to test whether cutting them out for a week will:

Improve my migraines Reduce my exhaustion Fix my yo-yo weight history Or simply make me feral and resentful

Because unfortunately… most of the things listed as “ultra-processed” are the things I actually eat.

🥪 In This Episode We Discuss:

What actually counts as Ultra-Processed Food (and how inconsistent the definitions are) The claim that UPFs are worse than tobacco The inflammation / microbiome argument The counter-argument from registered dietitians Whether the research is observational or causal Food anxiety vs legitimate health concern My chaotic personal diet Growing up on enforced raw spinach Cheese-based GCSE breakdowns Yo-yo weight cycles and hyper-palatable food Ozempic changing the household food dynamic Whether non-UPF eating is realistic with children Why I eat like a 19-year-old boy with a student loan And whether “whole foods” are actually practical in real life

🍽 Personal Context (Aka Why This Is a Problem)

My current diet includes:

Fistfuls of turkey Salt & vinegar crisps Tuna pasta Mushroom coffee Minimal fruit Suspiciously little fibre

Meanwhile the internet is telling me my gut lining is dissolving and my liver is weeping.

So this week I attempt to go:

👉 UPF-Free (or as close as I can manage)

And we’ll see whether:

My energy changes My migraines shift My mood improves Or whether I simply miss crisps

🧠 Bigger Questions

Are we pathologising modern food? Is this another wellness panic? Or is the hyper-palatable environment genuinely wrecking us? Can a busy parent realistically cook everything from scratch? And why does cutting processed food feel so emotionally loaded?

👵 Guru & Granny Returns

This week’s dilemma:

“I’ve narrowed it down to three husband contenders. How do I choose?”

Featuring:

The Strong Stomach Theory™ The Chap Olympiad Escape room testing Vomit resilience And a brief detour into secret families

You’re welcome.

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Share this episode with someone who:

Owns at least three types of oat milk Is suspicious of emulsifiers Or eats crisps in the car and calls it “lunch”

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