Show Notes
John R. Miles is a Naval Academy graduate, combat veteran, and former Fortune 500 executive who went on to found Passion Struck and write Passion Struck and the upcoming The Mattering Effect: Creating a Life of Meaning and Worth, a Next Big Idea Club selection curated by Susan Cain, Malcolm Gladwell, Daniel Pink, and Adam Grant. In this episode, John joins Larry to talk about what he calls "the slow fade," the quiet erosion that happens when a man's sense of worth gets tied entirely to what he produces. He shares the story of walking in on an armed intruder in his own home, the friend's suicide that reshaped his life, and the two questions he believes every man should be asking himself about whether he feels valued and who he surrounds himself with. Timeline Summary [1:02] Larry introduces John's resume: Naval Academy, combat veteran, Booz Allen, Arthur Andersen, Fortune 500 C-suite roles, and multiple CEO positions. [3:24] Larry names the turning point in John's story: reaching a state he calls "quiet desperation" despite external success. [4:14] Larry introduces John's current work as founder of Passion Struck, bestselling author, and podcast host. [8:10] John explains how a stalled FBI application during a government budget standoff pushed him into Booz Allen and management consulting instead. [13:24] A chance conversation at a conference leads John to a $5 million contract building flight simulation training for Navy and Marine Corps pilots. [20:12] John describes hitting a breaking point as an EVP at Catalina Marketing, facing a $100 million problem with a fraction of that in funding. [22:48] John defines "the slow fade," the concept from his book describing how people quietly disappear from their own lives. [27:53] John recounts walking in on an armed intruder inside his home shortly after his divorce. [28:58] Three days after that break-in, a close friend died by suicide, a turning point that led John to start Passion Struck. [38:07] John breaks down the structure of The Mattering Effect: the first three chapters diagnose the problem, the rest offers a way back. [39:30] John explains the difference between global and specific self-esteem, and why success in one area of life doesn't guarantee feeling valued in another. [41:28] John cites Cornell regret research and Bronnie Ware's hospice work: most people's biggest regret is never becoming who they wanted to be. [47:20] John shares the two questions he thinks every man should ask: are you feeling valued, and are you adding value? [49:40] John introduces "the Mosquito Principle," his framework for identifying and setting boundaries with draining people. [57:15] John shares where to find his book, his coaching, and the Passion Struck podcast. Five Key Takeaways Success and feeling valued are two different things. You can check every external box, title, income, achievements, and still feel like you're disappearing, because self-esteem in one area of life doesn't transfer to the areas that matter most. Watch for "the slow fade." Nobody wakes up one day and decides to disappear from their own life. It happens gradually, through years of being useful without being seen, until you don't feel as alive as you used to. Ask yourself two questions regularly: are you feeling valued, and are you adding value? Most high-performing men are excellent at the second and starving for the first. Identify the "mosquitoes" in your life, the people who quietly drain you, and set boundaries with them. You don't have to keep environments or relationships that only take. What you don't deal with gets passed down. John's own kids noticed his emotional absence before he did. If you're checked out, your children see it as their mirror, whether you realize it or not. Links & Resources The Mattering Effect: https://matteringeffect.com Passion Struck: https://passionstruck.com John R. Miles: https://johnrmiles.com Dad Edge Day at State Farm Stadium: https://thedadedge.com/nf
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