Why is it so hard to say no?

In 1963, the Milgram experiments revealed something unsettling.

Most people kept administering what they believed were painful electric shocks, not because they wanted to, but because they couldn’t bring themselves to say no.

In this episode, my guest shares why we agree to extra projects, unpaid favours and unreasonable requests even when we know we shouldn’t.

I’m joined by behavioural scientist and physician Dr Sunita Sah of Cornell University. She studies how social pressure and conflict-of-interest disclosures can quietly steer us toward yes.

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Read Sunita’s book Defy: https://amzn.to/48LsreG

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Today’s sources:

Milgram, S. (1963). Behavioral study of obedience. Journal of Abnormal and Social Psychology, 67(4), 371–378.

Sah, S. (2025). Defy: The power of no in a world that demands yes. One World.

Sah, S., Loewenstein, G. F., & Cain, D. M. (2013). The burden of disclosure: Increased compliance with distrusted advice. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 104(2), 289–304.

Sah, S., Loewenstein, G. F., & Cain, D. M. (2019). Insinuation anxiety: Concern that advice rejection will signal distrust after conflict of interest disclosures. Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, 45(7), 1099–1112.

Woodzicka, J. A., & LaFrance, M. (2001). Real versus imagined gender harassment. Journal of Social Issues, 57(1), 15–30.