Show Notes
Michael Lassman had millions of dollars, a successful Wall Street career, and by every outward measure had made it. Then alcoholism took nearly all of it away. In this deeply honest conversation, Michael walks Larry through his descent, his years long estrangement from his children, and the long road back through a twelve step program, faith, and eventually writing two books about what he learned along the way. What makes this conversation land so hard is how much Larry opens up in return. He shares a recent, still raw season of using alcohol to cope with his oldest son leaving home, and the moment his own ten year old son called it out. He also shares his mother's decades long struggle with alcoholism and the hard boundaries he has had to set to protect his own family. If you have ever used something, anything, to numb a feeling you did not want to sit with, this conversation offers real, hard won language for that struggle and a path through it.
Timeline Summary 1:01 Michael shares the statistic that started this conversation. Most people report their life feels meaningless 2:08 Michael's descent in 2011. From a successful Wall Street career to living in a cheap motel 3:12 Michael shares contemplating suicide during his lowest point 4:07 The night police broke down his motel door, believing he was dead 6:14 How Michael went from millions of dollars to near total loss over several years 7:10 The year his children refused to speak to him, and what led to that breaking point 11:40 The story of his son reaching out after a friend's father died unexpectedly 12:39 A full introduction to Michael. A four decade career, multiple businesses, and two books 17:03 Michael reflects on what he would say to the version of himself at his lowest point 22:53 Introducing the spiritual malady, and why addiction is ultimately a comfort problem 25:43 A client's story. Four years free from pornography addiction and now helping other men 26:51 Naming the common thread behind every vice. It is never really about the substance itself 29:04 Michael's story of nearly relapsing at a bus station six months after leaving treatment, and the three step formula that stopped him 32:35 Larry shares his own recent struggle using alcohol to cope with his son leaving home 37:44 Larry's decision to stop drinking for the rest of the year, and how it has felt so far 40:00 Referencing this as episode 1535, and Michael sharing what led him to write about allowing God to remove his character defects 41:31 Breaking down the resentment inventory process from the twelve steps 44:53 Understanding surrender as the paradox at the center of recovery 48:33 Michael's reconciliation with his ex-wife after she read his memoir in full 52:12 An update on Michael's now adult son and daughter, and the state of those relationships today 55:52 Larry shares his own mother's decades long struggle with alcoholism 56:59 The specific incident that led Larry to set a hard boundary with his mother 59:04 Larry reflects on forgiveness without full reconciliation 1:00:23 The danger of family members unintentionally enabling an addict, and the value of Al Anon 1:01:06 Michael's closing message on finding purpose at the intersection of your values, gifts, and hardest experiences 1:04:07 Where to find Michael and his books
Five Key Takeaways Addiction is rarely about the substance itself. It is almost always an attempt to escape discomfort, whether that discomfort is anxiety, sadness, resentment, or grief. A simple three step practice can interrupt a craving in the moment. Name the discomfort to God or a higher power, talk to someone about what you are actually feeling, and then look for someone else you can help. Surrender is not weakness. Trying to control or white knuckle your way through a painful season often makes the struggle worse, while genuinely letting go can be the thing that finally creates real change. Reconciliation and forgiveness are not the same t
More from The Dad Edge Podcast
This week I sat down with Dr. Diane Mueller, a board certified sexologist with doctorates in natural medicine and acupuncture and oriental medicine. She is the host of the Libido Lounge and a best selling author and international speaker who helps committed couples who went from passionate lovers to feeling like roommates. She looks at the whole picture, including hormones, stress, kids, menopause, communication, and life transitions. We got honest about how easily intimacy slips off track, including my own sadness since our first son left the nest and the drinking habit I traced back to it. Dr. Mueller explained why new relationship energy fades after 6 to 18 months, the difference between spontaneous and responsive desire, how novelty brings the spark back, and why talking about sex feels like such a threat. If you're a husband or dad who wants to stop settling for roommate status in your marriage and rebuild desire and connection, this one is for you.
Bill Winchester is back on the show, and one word kept coming to mind as I read his story: builder. He started with backyard tree forts, married his high school sweetheart Christy at 21, raised three kids, and helped build the church his family worshiped in and the school his kids attended. Somewhere along the way he realized the most important thing he'd ever build was men, which led him to create the Dangerously Good Men rite of passage in Bend, Oregon, and Improving Grounds, where men gather around a fire on Saturday mornings. We talked about raising sons in a digital world, why despair and loneliness are rising among men, and the difference between protecting your son and preparing him. Bill walked through the liminal space between boyhood and manhood, the six core values behind his framework, and the men of significance every young man needs in his corner. If you're a dad raising a boy who is nearing his teens and you want to send him into manhood supported instead of unprepared, this conversation is for you.
Dr. Goran Jezic is a dual board certified physician practicing in Houston since 1996 who has focused on hair restoration for over a decade, with his team reporting more than 1 million hair grafts implanted. He personally conducts every consultation and specializes in the follicular unit extraction (FUE) method, working with everyday men as well as professional athletes, actors, and celebrities. In this episode Larry and Dr. Jezic break down why men actually lose their hair, what finasteride and minoxidil really do (and their side effect profiles), and how modern FUE transplants compare to the older strip method and the "hair plugs" of the past. If you're a man noticing thinning or a receding hairline and you want straight answers on genetics, medications, and what's possible before your hairline is gone, this conversation is for you.
This week I sat down with Michael Bernoff, a human behavior expert with more than 20 years of study into communication, influence, and language. He's the founder of the Human Communications Institute and the author of Average Sucks, and he started as an average middle class Jersey kid who was told that certain things weren't for people like us. At 19 he discovered that communication is a skill you can learn, and at 21 he met his mentor Jim Rohn, whose success principles shaped decades of his work. We got practical on the words we use with our kids, our wives, and ourselves when nobody is listening. Michael shared why saying it's hard keeps us stuck, why telling your kid you're proud of him might not be enough, how one phrase takes the pressure off any habit, and what your wife may really mean when she says you should know by now. If you're a dad or husband who wants to be more intentional about the language and communication patterns in your home, this one is for you.
Traver Boehm is back on the show for the third time, and I still remember his first story like it was yesterday. He's a former professional MMA fighter and bodyguard with a master's degree in traditional Chinese medicine, a hospice volunteer, more than 11 years sober, and the founder of the Uncivilized movement. He's the author of Today I Rise, Uncivilized, and 28 Days in Darkness, and he has now spent 77 days of his life in complete darkness, including 49 straight days in a dark room in Tuscany with no phone, no people, and no clock. We talk about what it takes to stop running from yourself, the fragmentation I see in so many men, and the morning a phrase landed so hard that Traver dropped to his knees. We also get honest about suicide, why men need to pick up the phone, and what a relationship with yourself does for your marriage and your kids. If you're a dad who feels the drift of busyness and wonders who you really are underneath it, this conversation is for you.