Deep Dive: Is It Sometimes Easier When Our Spouses Aren't Around?
What Fresh Hell: Parenting, Relationships, and Making Life Better, with Two Funny MomsShow Notes
This Deep Dive series revisits some of our previous episodes about dynamics with our parenting partners.
There are lots of reasons why someone might find parenting easier when their spouse is not around, and not all of them are a cause to call in the couples therapist. A listener posted in our Facebook group:
Anyone else feel like things are easier when their spouse isn’t home? We’ve been dealing with some family issues so he is out of town. I find that when he isn’t here, my kids listen better, we make a good team and work together, they sleep better, etc. Is that weird? How can one person make such a difference? Not much has changed except I do a little more (take out the trash, drop kids off at school) so it’s not that I have more time. It just seems more peaceful in our home or something. And to be honest, I’m not sure it’s a good sign!
When we're solo parenting, we have more alone time, we don't have to negotiate child-related or housework-related decisions, and there are fewer dishes and dirty clothes to wash. If you like it when your spouse is away, that doesn't mean you love them any less or they're a bad spouse. But are there advantages we can consider making part of our parenting all the time? That might also be a possibility.
Amy and Margaret discuss:
Why it's easier to solo parent sometimes
How the pandemic changed couple dynamics
How to discuss with our spouse how we feel
Here are links to some of the resources mentioned in the episode:
Katie Cloyd for Scary Mommy: "My Life Is Easier When My Husband Travels"
Meredith Bland for Parent Map: "Parenting is Easier When My Husband is Out of Town"
We Did Not Sign Up For Being With Our Spouses 24/7 (with guest Damona Hoffman)
A Room Of Our Own: Claiming the Space We Need
What Fresh Hell is co-hosted by Amy Wilson and Margaret Ables.
We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website:
https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
More from What Fresh Hell: Parenting, Relationships, and Making Life Better, with Two Funny Moms
There are several sneaky ways for the people we work with, or live with, to get away with participating less in the work that needs to happen. "Weaponized incompetence" became TikTok-famous during the pandemic, and most of us became more aware when that was being deployed.
This episode includes discussion of rape and sexual assault.
Beth Gellman-Beer spent her whole career fighting for kids with disabilities — first as a student written off as “lazy,” then as a federal civil rights attorney who found her dream job protecting students like her younger self. But on one ordinary night, a phone call changed everything: Her entire office had been eliminated.
How do we handle conflict with those closest to us without damaging the relationship or going in circles? We discuss why some people avoid conflict while others escalate quickly, how our family of origin shapes the way we handle disagreements, and common triggers for starting conflicts.
This Deep Dive series revisits some of our previous episodes about dynamics with our parenting partners.