Show Notes
My guest is Caitlin V, a sexologist and relationship coach who started out as a sexual health researcher and policy analyst before realizing that real change doesn't happen in research papers. It happens in honest conversations between real people. She's the host of Good Sex on HBO Max, her YouTube channel has reached hundreds of millions of people, and she's become one of the leading voices in men's sexual health, helping guys overcome erectile dysfunction, performance anxiety, premature ejaculation, and the isolation that comes with those struggles. This conversation went places I didn't expect. Caitlin explains why the biggest roadblock in a couple's sex life isn't your partner, it's the gap between your expectations and reality. She breaks down why "why can't we have more sex" is almost never about sex, what women are actually attracted to in a man (the Indiana University smell study blew my mind), and why the way you do anything is the way you do everything. I also got personal about my own marriage, including why I quit porn years ago and the one question I asked my wife in our mudroom three months ago that changed how we think about intimacy. If you and your wife have slipped into roommate mode, if the conversation about sex feels impossible to start, or if you want to rebuild attraction and connection after years of kids, schedules, and busyness, this episode is your roadmap back.
Timeline Summary [1:02] Larry opens with an adult content disclaimer and celebrates episode 1500 landing on his 51st birthday after 11 years [3:00] The single biggest roadblock in couples' sex lives, the painful gap between expectations and lived experience [5:16] The performance expectations men carry into the bedroom, from lasting longer to frequency to technical skill [10:11] Caitlin's first piece of advice for every man, start with your own relationship to sexuality before approaching your wife [11:37] Why "why can't we have more sex" is really a request for closeness, connection, and feeling loved [16:33] Caitlin's story, from sexual health researcher to sexologist and host of Good Sex on HBO Max [20:13] Fact checking the viral claim that 50% of couples married three plus years haven't had sex in a year [21:55] Why Gen Z is having less sex, porn access, dating app algorithms designed to keep you single, and Covid [28:49] The Indiana University t-shirt study, why smell predicts attraction and how birth control changes desire [36:37] What women actually find attractive in a man's body, hands, forearms, posture, and capability over six packs [44:40] Why your solo sex life shapes your marriage, and Caitlin's snack versus whole meal analogy [49:49] Larry opens up about quitting porn years ago and how it fixed his arousal issues and transformed intimacy [53:37] Retraining your body without porn, why orgasm may take weeks to return, and why nobody fails to get there [57:00] Escaping roommate syndrome, why sex was never actually spontaneous, and reclaiming the effort of courtship [59:35] The intimacy spectrum beyond penetration, and Caitlin's personal story of healing pain through yoni massage [1:06:09] The mudroom moment, how one question changed the way Larry and his wife connect after 23 years of marriage
Five Key Takeaways The biggest obstacle in your sex life isn't your wife. It's the unspoken gap between what you expected sex to be and what it actually is, and the shame that keeps both of you from talking about it.
Never bring the conversation to her when it's burning hot. Do your own untangling first, figure out what you actually need underneath the request, and come with self-awareness and accountability instead of a demand.
How you care for your body is a proxy for how you care for everything. Your grooming, your hygiene, and your posture tell her more about who you are than a six pack ever will.
Don't show up to your wife starving. If she's the only source of meeting your needs, every approach carries despe
More from The Dad Edge Podcast
This week I sat down with Dr. Diane Mueller, a board certified sexologist with doctorates in natural medicine and acupuncture and oriental medicine. She is the host of the Libido Lounge and a best selling author and international speaker who helps committed couples who went from passionate lovers to feeling like roommates. She looks at the whole picture, including hormones, stress, kids, menopause, communication, and life transitions. We got honest about how easily intimacy slips off track, including my own sadness since our first son left the nest and the drinking habit I traced back to it. Dr. Mueller explained why new relationship energy fades after 6 to 18 months, the difference between spontaneous and responsive desire, how novelty brings the spark back, and why talking about sex feels like such a threat. If you're a husband or dad who wants to stop settling for roommate status in your marriage and rebuild desire and connection, this one is for you.
Bill Winchester is back on the show, and one word kept coming to mind as I read his story: builder. He started with backyard tree forts, married his high school sweetheart Christy at 21, raised three kids, and helped build the church his family worshiped in and the school his kids attended. Somewhere along the way he realized the most important thing he'd ever build was men, which led him to create the Dangerously Good Men rite of passage in Bend, Oregon, and Improving Grounds, where men gather around a fire on Saturday mornings. We talked about raising sons in a digital world, why despair and loneliness are rising among men, and the difference between protecting your son and preparing him. Bill walked through the liminal space between boyhood and manhood, the six core values behind his framework, and the men of significance every young man needs in his corner. If you're a dad raising a boy who is nearing his teens and you want to send him into manhood supported instead of unprepared, this conversation is for you.
Dr. Goran Jezic is a dual board certified physician practicing in Houston since 1996 who has focused on hair restoration for over a decade, with his team reporting more than 1 million hair grafts implanted. He personally conducts every consultation and specializes in the follicular unit extraction (FUE) method, working with everyday men as well as professional athletes, actors, and celebrities. In this episode Larry and Dr. Jezic break down why men actually lose their hair, what finasteride and minoxidil really do (and their side effect profiles), and how modern FUE transplants compare to the older strip method and the "hair plugs" of the past. If you're a man noticing thinning or a receding hairline and you want straight answers on genetics, medications, and what's possible before your hairline is gone, this conversation is for you.
This week I sat down with Michael Bernoff, a human behavior expert with more than 20 years of study into communication, influence, and language. He's the founder of the Human Communications Institute and the author of Average Sucks, and he started as an average middle class Jersey kid who was told that certain things weren't for people like us. At 19 he discovered that communication is a skill you can learn, and at 21 he met his mentor Jim Rohn, whose success principles shaped decades of his work. We got practical on the words we use with our kids, our wives, and ourselves when nobody is listening. Michael shared why saying it's hard keeps us stuck, why telling your kid you're proud of him might not be enough, how one phrase takes the pressure off any habit, and what your wife may really mean when she says you should know by now. If you're a dad or husband who wants to be more intentional about the language and communication patterns in your home, this one is for you.
Traver Boehm is back on the show for the third time, and I still remember his first story like it was yesterday. He's a former professional MMA fighter and bodyguard with a master's degree in traditional Chinese medicine, a hospice volunteer, more than 11 years sober, and the founder of the Uncivilized movement. He's the author of Today I Rise, Uncivilized, and 28 Days in Darkness, and he has now spent 77 days of his life in complete darkness, including 49 straight days in a dark room in Tuscany with no phone, no people, and no clock. We talk about what it takes to stop running from yourself, the fragmentation I see in so many men, and the morning a phrase landed so hard that Traver dropped to his knees. We also get honest about suicide, why men need to pick up the phone, and what a relationship with yourself does for your marriage and your kids. If you're a dad who feels the drift of busyness and wonders who you really are underneath it, this conversation is for you.