Sex, Intimacy, and Chronic Pelvic Pain: The Conversation We Need to Have (with Vanessa Blackstone)
Heal Your Chronic Pelvic PainShow Notes
Let's talk about the part of chronic pelvic pain that doesn't get discussed nearly enough. Sex. Intimacy. Navigating Relationships. The fear that your partner might leave. The pressure to push through discomfort. In this episode, I'm joined by my friend and colleague Vanessa Blackstone, Executive Director of the Pain Psychology Center, for an honest and nuanced conversation about sex, intimacy, chronic pelvic pain, and healing. Together, we explore the ways shame, cultural conditioning, people-pleasing, and nervous system patterns can shape our relationship with sex and our bodies. We also explore: • Why conversations about sex are often missing from the chronic pain and mind-body healing space • The cultural messages many women receive about sex, pleasure, and their bodies • How people-pleasing and perfectionism can impact intimacy • Why creating safety with yourself matters before creating safety with a partner • Dating and navigating intimacy while living with chronic pelvic pain • Rebuilding trust with your body after years of symptoms This conversation is for anyone who has ever felt disconnected from their body, afraid of intimacy, or unsure how to move forward when pain has impacted their relationship with sex. You are not broken. You are not alone. And there is another way forward.
Connect with Vanessa: Instagram: @that.therapist PRT Workbook Vanessa’s Substack: https://substack.com/@vanessablackstone
Connect with Rachel: IG: thepelvicpaincoach Get Your Free Pain Flare Plan Book A Pelvic Pain Strategy Session Get on the waitlist for Beyond Chronic Pelvic Pain (doors opening again this summer)
Disclaimer: This podcast is for informational and educational purposes only and is not a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment.
More from Heal Your Chronic Pelvic Pain
What can you do when a pain flare is loud, uncomfortable, and not something you can make stop in the moment? A building fire alarm kept going off for two weeks, sometimes during coaching calls and sometimes in the middle of the night. The experience reminded me of what it was like to live with chronic pelvic pain: knowing what was happening didn’t make the sensations disappear, and I couldn’t always change the situation right away. In this episode, I share how I supported myself through those moments, from putting in earbuds so I could keep coaching to noticing the comfort of my bed while I waited for the alarm to turn off. We talk about acknowledging discomfort without pretending it isn’t there, choosing what might support you, and considering whether you want to take a values-aligned action or rest. There’s no right or wrong choice. For me, showing up for the things I cared about, even when my symptoms were intense, supported my sense of agency. Your choice may look different. The invitation is to ask what you need and how you want to spend the time while you wait for the flare to pass. In this episode: Why knowing a symptom is a false alarm doesn’t always make the discomfort go away
If you've ever frozen on the exam table, or spent the drive home replaying everything you wish you'd said, this episode is for you. For so many of us with chronic pelvic pain, gynecologist visits are part of the recovery journey. And they can be really hard, both physically and emotionally. Many providers aren't trained in trauma-informed care or familiar with conditions like vaginismus and vulvodynia, which means it often falls on us to speak up for what we need. In this episode, I'm sharing the things I didn't know I could ask for when I was healing, so you can walk into your next appointment feeling more prepared and a little more in control. In this episode: Why telling your provider about pain with penetration out loud matters (even if it's already on your intake form)
When I was living with chronic pelvic pain, I believed that if I had symptoms, I was suffering. It felt impossible to enjoy my life or loosen my urgency to heal while pain was still there. Because I felt like I was always suffering.
Do you have to quit your job, leave your relationship, move, or completely restructure your life in order to heal?
Even though no one can do the healing work for you, that doesn’t mean you have to do it alone.