Ep. 37 | Supporting Siblings: Practical Brain First Tools for Parents - Pt. 2
Brain First Parenting with Eileen DevineShow Notes
SUMMARY - In Part 2 of this series on supporting siblings, we shift from awareness to action. Building on the themes discussed in Part 1, this episode offers practical, brain-first strategies parents can use to support siblings who are impacted by challenging behaviors at home. From conversations about how brains work differently to creating safety plans and strengthening protective factors, this episode focuses on what you can do to help siblings feel safe, seen, and supported.
TAKEAWAYS:
Begin ongoing, age-appropriate conversations about how brains work differently to help siblings make sense of behavior without excusing harm. Clarify that “fair doesn’t mean equal". Fairness is about meeting each child’s unique brain and nervous system needs. Explain the "why" behind different rules, responses, or accommodations to create predictability and security. Build protective factors for siblings, including consistent one-on-one time with a regulated parent or other trusted adult. Create clear safety plans so siblings know exactly what to do during escalations and do not feel responsible for managing the situation. Provide open space for siblings to express the full range of their emotions without minimizing or shaming them. Avoid creating a culture of secrecy, meaning help siblings develop language and a plan for how to talk about their family experience with others. Prioritize your own resilience and nervous system care, as your regulation is one of the most powerful supports for everyone in the home.
RESOURCES:
Brain First Parenting Podcast, Episode 19: Building Resilience in Moments a Day Concrete, manageable ways to strengthen your own nervous system and resilience over time.
Blog Post on “Circling Back” Explanation of the circling back process and why addressing behaviors outside of escalated moments supports learning and safety.
======================= If you appreciated this episode, and would like to receive a weekly note from Eileen about the Brain First Parenting journey every Monday, you can subscribe to her free newsletter HERE!
You can also check out all the FREE resources Eileen offers for parents, and learn more about all things Brain First at her website: eileendevine.com
And of course, find and follow Eileen on social media: Facebook Instagram YouTube Pinterest
More from Brain First Parenting with Eileen Devine
SUMMARY - In Part 2 of my conversation with Robyn Gobbel, we explore how to take our understanding of the nervous system and apply it to the everyday challenges of parenting kids with big, baffling behaviors. Robyn’s owl, watchdog, and possum framework gives us a practical map for making sense of what’s happening underneath our child’s behavior, shifting our focus from trying to stop the behavior to understanding where it began and what support might help. We also talk about how this shift in perspective can change what happens in our own nervous systems, helping us stay more connected to our owl brain during difficult moments. And importantly, we explore why so much of this work begins with us as parents, and how understanding our own nervous system can help us cultivate greater self-compassion along the way.
SUMMARY - In part 1 of this 2-part podcast series, Eileen is joined by her dear friend and colleague, Robyn Gobbel, MSW. Robyn is an internationally recognized children’s mental health expert, author, and educator who has spent more than 20 years supporting children with vulnerable nervous systems and the families who care for them. She is the author of the bestselling Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors: Brain-Body-Sensory Strategies That Really Work and The Guided Journal for Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors. She is also the host of "The Baffling Behavior Show" podcast and founder of the Baffling Behavior Training Institute.
SUMMARY - Parenting a child with complex needs can put tremendous pressure on even the strongest partnerships, especially when two parents understand their child’s behavior differently. In this episode, Eileen explores how family-of-origin experiences, deeply held beliefs, fear, grief, and our own nervous systems can contribute to parenting disagreements and how bringing curiosity and a Brain First lens to our partners can help us find greater understanding and connection.
SUMMARY- Expectations are an unavoidable part of parenting, but when we’re raising a child with brain-based differences, expectations rooted in neurotypical norms can create a painful gap between what we think our child should be able to do and what they actually have the capacity to do. In this episode, I draw from Brené Brown’s Rising Strong and her exploration of disappointment, expectations, and resentment. Through a Brain First lens, we’ll consider where our expectations come from, how they influence the way we interpret our child’s behavior, and how adjusting expectations can help protect our relationship with our child without giving up on our hopes for them.
SUMMARY - Some kids can appear incredibly capable in many areas of their lives while still experiencing significant lagging cognitive skills that are largely invisible to those around them. In this episode, we explore why these kids are especially vulnerable to being misunderstood through a behavioral lens and why recognizing their asynchronous development is essential to understanding the support and accommodations they truly need.