Breakdown: Dating Someone With a Narcissistic Ex? 7 Questions You Need to Ask First
Unfuck Your CoparentingShow Notes
If you are thinking about dating someone who has a toxic or high-conflict ex… or you’re already in it and starting to feel the weight of it… this episode is for you. This is one of the most common questions I get — can a relationship actually work when one or both people have a narcissistic or high-conflict ex? And the answer is yes… but it’s not simple. There’s a version of this that works really well — where both people are self-aware, intentional, and have done the work. And then there’s a version of this that will absolutely drain you if you don’t know what you’re walking into. So today we’re going to walk through some honest questions you need to ask yourself before getting into — or staying in — a relationship like this. Because here’s the part people don’t talk about enough: These relationships can actually be incredibly strong. A lot of people who have come out of toxic or narcissistic relationships become very self-aware, very empathetic, and very intentional about how they show up in a partnership. But… they also come with real-life complications. And I’m not speaking about this in theory. Both me and Leo have high-conflict exes. We’ve dealt with the court system, custody schedules, accusations, parenting stress — all of it. So this is coming from lived experience, not just coaching. We’re going to get into things like: What it actually looks like to deal with conflict you didn’t create How to support your partner without becoming another source of pressure What happens when you become the “enemy” in someone else’s narrative The reality of legal stress and custody battles What it feels like to step into a bonus parent role in a high-conflict situation Why parallel parenting is often the healthier option in these dynamics And probably the most important piece — the one thing your partner has to be willing to do for this relationship to actually work. Because these relationships can work. In fact, some of the strongest, most connected relationships I’ve seen come out of people who have survived really toxic dynamics. But they don’t work by accident. They require clarity, emotional maturity, and really strong boundaries. So if you’re in this… or considering it… this episode is going to help you get a lot more honest about what you’re stepping into.
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Cameron Normand built Stepfamily Solutions after becoming a stepmom of four in a high-conflict situation with zero blueprint to follow. She left a 23-year career in law and politics to fix that gap, and now she's one of the few voices in this space who gets that stepfamily fallout isn't just "blended family awkwardness." In this episode, we flip the conversation from the one we just had on her show. Instead of talking about how high-conflict coparenting hits the couple relationship, we go deeper into the partner who has no legal standing, no decision-making power, and still absorbs all the emotional weight of somebody else's war. We get into why she chose coaching over practicing law, how the BIFF method changes when the person using it has zero legal leverage, and when someone actually needs a stepmom coach versus someone in the thick of active legal conflict. Cameron is also running the Stepmom Summit this year, "Out Loud," September 14-18, completely free and virtual with over 30 stepfamily experts. If you've been quietly white-knuckling your way through blended family life, that's your sign to grab a free ticket.
You got out. You left the relationship, you survived the divorce, you're doing the work. So why does something still feel off? You still check in with everyone else before you check in with yourself. You feel guilty when you set a boundary. You spiral when an email comes in from your ex -- even when you know exactly what they're doing. That's not a co-parenting problem. That's an identity problem. And it started way before your ex. Today I'm sitting down with Audra Phelps -- certified neuroscience-based coach, hypnotherapist, and creator of the Reclaimed program. She spent 35 years inside the Mormon Church and has spent the years since figuring out not just how to leave, but how to build what comes next. In this episode we get into: Why high-demand religion and high-conflict relationships run the same control playbook (the BITE model maps almost perfectly) What it actually looks like when your identity was built by a system instead of by you How to identify the beliefs that are still running your behavior even after you've left What it means to move through anger without skipping steps -- and why toxic positivity isn't the answer How to start trusting yourself as a parent when you were taught not to trust yourself at all If you've ever gotten out of a toxic situation and still felt like something was wrong with you -- like you're still reacting, still shrinking, still not sure what you actually want -- this one is for you. Find Audra at mamaaudra.com, including her free masterclass: The Five Shifts That Every Former Mormon Mom Needs to Make, and her eight-week Reclaimed program. Audra is also offering podcast listeners 50% off their first individual coaching session. Learn about one-on-one coaching at https://mamaaudra.com/oneonone and book a free consult to see if it's a fit (mention PODCAST on the call for the discount). This is open to any woman navigating a faith transition after leaving a high control organization, not just Mormons. --- Ready to stop reacting and start responding strategically? Book an intro call to see if coaching is right for you: https://unfuckyourcoparenting.com/book Have a question you want answered on air? Head to unfuckyourcoparenting.com and click Join the Conversation. Find me everywhere: Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, and the podcast at Unfuck Your Co-Parenting. As always -- we are all in this together.
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