Show Notes
In this episode, Kim John Payne explores how young children experience emotions as full-body states, rather than isolated feelings they can easily identify and name. He expresses concern about the modern emphasis on naming emotions with young children, noting that their brain development often does not support this level of emotional analysis. Instead of asking children to explain or label their feelings, he encourages parents to simply be present, co-regulate, and help their child move through the emotional experience. One effective tool he describes is sharing an “I remember when” story from your own childhood that mirrors the feeling the child is experiencing. This offers connection and reassurance without pressure to intellectualize. Kim reminds us that this approach is not about denying feelings but about honoring them in a developmentally appropriate way and helping children return to the rhythm of their day.
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In this episode, Kim John Payne introduces “tone and timing coaching," a simple way to help children (and ourselves) get the tone right when what's said comes out rude, fresh, aggressive, or grumpy. He explains that the content of a child's message is often perfectly fine; it's the delivery that isn't helpful. Since these moments arise multiple times every day, they offer countless opportunities to help children learn attunement: sensing the right time to speak and the right way to say something. Kim frames this as tuning an instrument, and notes that a sense of timing and tone will serve children well in friendships, at school, and crucially in their future adult lives.
In this episode, Kim John Payne addresses one of the more difficult themes parents face: a child's growing awareness of life and death. He explains that very young children experience only a little separation between themselves and the world, but as consciousness shifts and they move into the big-child world, questions about mortality naturally arise. This awakening often appears in play, and sometimes in statements that shock parents to the core, like "I wish I was dead" or "I wish I'd never been born."
Correction: the Care Professionals Seminar dates in this episode are Saturday and Sunday, August 1st and 2nd, 2026 (not July). Registration closes July 31st: Click here to register