
Show Notes
Do you ever feel like you’re constantly trying to help your PDA, autistic, or high-needs child meet what feel like basic daily expectations…Going to school.
If you react even when you know better, start with my free 7 Truths guide — why that happens, and what actually changes it: https://www.illuminateu.ca/7-truths-free-guide-podcast
Brushing their teeth.
Doing homework.
Being kind.
Cooperating with everyday tasks.
And when they resist, avoid, melt down, or escalate — you find yourself wondering:How will they ever function on their own if they can’t do these things now?Most parents feel completely responsible for making sure these things happen. So we push. We explain. We negotiate. We try consequences. We try to stay calm.
But the more we push…the more they resist.In this episode, I share the powerful realization that shifted everything for me when my son stopped going to school — and how the expectations that felt completely reasonable were actually keeping both of us stuck in a cycle of pressure, avoidance, escalation, and shame.
You’ll learn:• Why “should” expectations can quietly dysregulate both parents and children• The hidden expectation many parents carry when trying to regulate themselves• Why regulating yourself to change your child can keep the cycle going• How dropping expectations doesn’t mean lowering standards• The practice that helps you move from pressure and resistance into safety and connectionThis episode will help you understand why staying regulated with your PDA or high-needs child can feel so difficult — and the shift that allows both you and your child’s nervous systems to settle.📖 Read the full blog version of this episode here. 🎁 Get my free guide + video series: 7 Steps to Becoming More Calm, Regulated and Resilient With Your PDA, Autistic, Hypersensitive, High-Needs ChildThis free resource will help you begin strengthening your nervous system so you can stay more regulated, connected, and resilient in the hardest parenting moments.
More from The Regulated Parent
Am I accommodating my PDA, autistic child, or am I giving in? If you swing between the two and can't tell which is right, this episode is for you.
Your PDA, autistic child can't let you out of the room, not even to go to the bathroom. Here's what's actually happening inside them.
You give and give all day, and then you snap, and then you feel horrible about yourself. Here are the 7 moves that break that cycle.
Your child can't let you out of their sight — and you're exhausted. Here are the 7 things happening in your nervous system that nobody tells you about.
It's the fear so many parents of PDA and autistic kids carry: that today's aggression means something frightening about their child's future. In Part 3 of this series I gently take that fear apart, and offer a completely different way to understand how our kids actually learn.