Ep. 59 Will They Ever Learn to Be Okay Without Me? How to Help Your PDA, Autistic Child Separate From You
The Regulated ParentShow Notes
Your PDA, autistic child can't let you out of the room, not even to go to the bathroom. Here's what's actually happening inside them.
If you're in the thick of this, start with my free 3 Shifts guide — the three patterns most parents get pulled into during a meltdown, and how to shift them: https://www.illuminateu.ca/3-shifts-free-guide-podcast
For a long stretch of my son's burnout I sat beside him in our family room for hours a day, barely moving, holding my pee, because every time my attention left him his anxiety rose. We still have holes in our doors from that time.
And underneath it all was the question I know you're carrying too. Am I giving too much? And will they ever learn?
In Part 3 of this four-part series I go through: • The seven reasons your PDA, autistic child genuinely needs this much from you — a lower threat threshold, monotropism, and autonomy as a survival need, not a preference. • What the research actually says about responsiveness, so you can put down the word coddling. • The three things that can keep your child stuck even when you accommodate well: anxiety, OCD, and the predictive brain. • How to tell whether this is your child, with three questions to ask yourself. • How to hold accommodation and gentle challenge together, in five steps. • Exactly what I did with my son, starting with the bathroom and then leaving the house, with the real timeline and how long it took.
Read the full written version, with the research sources, on the blog: https://www.illuminateu.ca/blog/pda-autistic-child-cant-separate-from-you-part-3
Start the series at Part 1: https://www.illuminateu.ca/blog/when-your-pda-autistic-child-can-t-separate-and-you-just-want-a-break
FREE GUIDES Three free guides for parents of PDA, autistic, ADHD and high-needs kids: https://www.illuminateu.ca/free-guides-podcast
The 3 Shifts guide — the three patterns most parents get pulled into during a meltdown, and how to shift them: https://www.illuminateu.ca/3-shifts-free-guide-podcast
The 7 Truths guide — why you react even when you know better: https://www.illuminateu.ca/7-truths-free-guide-podcast
The Meaning guide — for the grief nobody names, and finding your way back to yourself: https://www.illuminateu.ca/meaning-guide-podcast
THE REGULATION REBUILD My course for parents who want to do this work properly. It opens again in spring 2027, and the waitlist is how you'll hear first: https://www.illuminateu.ca/regulation-rebuild-course-priority
I'm Afshan Tafler, a Nervous System Resilience Coach and the parent of a PDA autistic teen with high anxiety and OCD.
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