Ep. 58 The 7 Moves That Make Co-Regulating Your PDA, Autistic Child Who Can't Leave Your Side So Much Easier

You give and give all day, and then you snap, and then you feel horrible about yourself. Here are the 7 moves that break that cycle.

If that cycle is your day, start with my free 3 Shifts guide — the three patterns most parents get pulled into during a meltdown, and how to shift them: https://www.illuminateu.ca/3-shifts-free-guide-podcast

If you're co-regulating a PDA, autistic or highly sensitive child who can't be away from you, you know how the day goes. The demands. The questions. The needing you to stay right there and not move. You're okay with it for a while, and then something in you runs out.

In this episode I tell you about the night I sat on the bathroom floor crying after getting angry at my son again, and what I finally understood about why that cycle kept repeating.

Then I walk you through seven moves, one for each of the seven things that get triggered in your nervous system inside this kind of parenting: 1. When the urge to get away comes — let it move 2. When the NO is stuck — let that move too 3. When guilt and self-criticism arrive — meet them with compassion 4. When the fear about their future grips — let them be distressed briefly, and repair 5. When the grief is there — make room for it 6. When you feel trapped — give yourself choice 7. Take in nourishment, however small

We also go into what we're aiming for: building capacity, so you co-regulate from presence instead of survival. And the belief underneath all of my giving, that I should give up all of my needs, and where it came from.

This is Part 2 of a four-part series.

Read the full written version on the blog: https://www.illuminateu.ca/blog/the-7-moves-that-make-co-regulating-your-pda-autistic-child-who-can-t-leave-your-side-so-much-easier

Start the series at Part 1: https://www.illuminateu.ca/blog/when-your-pda-autistic-child-can-t-separate-and-you-just-want-a-break

FREE GUIDES Three free guides for parents of PDA, autistic, ADHD and high-needs kids: https://www.illuminateu.ca/free-guides-podcast

The 7 Truths guide — why you react even when you know better: https://www.illuminateu.ca/7-truths-free-guide-podcast

The Meaning guide — for the grief nobody names, and finding your way back to yourself: https://www.illuminateu.ca/meaning-guide-podcast

THE REGULATION REBUILD My course for parents who want to do this work properly. It opens again in spring 2027, and the waitlist is how you'll hear first: https://www.illuminateu.ca/regulation-rebuild-course-priority

I'm Afshan Tafler, a Nervous System Resilience Coach and the parent of a PDA autistic teen with high anxiety and OCD.